My little man is 3...

It's so hard to believe that it has been 3 years (or a little more) since Tucker made his entrance into the world. I am so thankful for our sweet, loving, outgoing, ball-loving, compassionate, hilarious little boy. He is at such a fun stage where he is talking up a storm and repeating everything just as he hears it. I will say he is a little more country than Jonathan and I are - his accent cracks me up - but, unfortunately, I think he may grow out of it (it's just too cute)! He loves anybody and everybody - doesn't meet a stranger. When he sees or hears one of his little friends crying, he is the first one to go over and offer them a toy or try to cheer them up in some kinda way (his preschool teacher told me this and I have noticed it, too). I love that about him. Don't get me wrong - we have had a challenging year with "listening" as well as other 2 year old things but..all in all, we are BLESSED. At his 3 year wellness visit he was 35 pounds and was 38 inches tall. We had his little birthday party at the worship center at church again this year. I tried to find a place where I wouldn't have to do anything - like Monkey Joe's or somewhere - but it was a little more expensive than I wanted. I knew all Tucker wanted to do anyway was play play play so that's what we did. The kids played and played basketball and all kinds of things in the gym at church and had a blast.

Briley's 6 week appointment..

Briley had her 6 week appointment last Friday, February 21st. At our 2 week check up the doctor asked us if we wanted to come back at 4 weeks and 8 weeks OR if we just wanted to come in the middle and do 6 weeks. To eliminate having to go to the doctor two times (when they were giving us this other option), we chose 6 weeks (not even thinking..) So...we went to her 6 week appointment and she looked great and everything was going well. She was 11 lbs, 10 oz, measuring 23 inches long. She ended up getting 4 shots (1 oral and the other in her thighs). Well, we knew what would probably come next..she would be sleepy the rest of the day and would have a low-grade fever (just like Tucker). So.. we left the doctor and got Tucker ready to go to the circus with my dad and Tammy. They were taking him for his birthday - and he had SO.MUCH.FUN!! Jonathan and I decided to go eat somewhere and do a little birthday shopping while we had the time (without the birthday boy)..so we ate at Panera Bread and then just went to Walmart. Briley, of course, just slept the whole time - which is what we expected since she had just gotten her shots. Well....... we got back home and were just hanging out, waiting for Tucker to get home and she felt a little warm so I decided to take her temperature. It was 99.9. Completely normal after having shots. As we were watching tv and just hanging out, I was trying to wake her up and feed her.. she was having the hardest time waking up - so about an hour after we took that first temp of 99.9, I decided to take it again. It was 101.5. The doctor told us that anything over 100.4 is what they needed to know about. She had also told us NOT to give her tylenol because she was only 6 weeks old (which I will get to in a minute..). So .. I immediately called the doctor and it took about 10 minutes for someone to call me back. As I was waiting, I checked her temperature again.. it was 102.1............I started freaking.out.!!! When the nurse called back I told her what was going on and she said that because her fever was over 102 we needed to take her to the ER. We waited for Tucker to get home (he was almost there) and then we left and took her. When we first got there, they sent us to a family room so that we wouldn't be around all the germs in the pediatric waiting room. The lady in triage who took Briley's vital signs (blood pressure, temperature, etc) was so sweet. She could sense the fear on my face (maybe because it was coming out in a liquid form!) and she gave me a heads up as to what they "might do" since she had a fever. She said "now just to let you know they COULD and MIGHT draw blood, put in an iv, and could even run "other" tests"..I said ok and thanked her for giving me a heads up. She gave her tylenol - GO FIGURE! and we were then immediately taken back to a room. If we would've known that they were going to give her tylenol, we could've done the same thing at home - but our dr was adament about us not giving it to her.. Anyway - the ER doctor came in and started asking questions and we made sure to tell her she had JUST gotten her 6 week shots today and proceeded to tell her what was going on. They made us put her in a little gown and then wanted to start running tests. One of the very first things they explained was that they were going to do a chest xray, take some blood, and then they would be doing a spinal tap. The doctor said, "the risk is that we could introduce an infection that wasn't even there in the first place.." Jonathan and I both looked at each other and I just had this uneasy feeling.. When the DR went out, we started discussing it. I strongly feel like it was the Lord that laid a good friend of mine on my heart. I immediately said "I've got to call Alyson Weimar". Alyson is a pediatric nurse who used to work at wake med but now she and her husband and 4 kids are on the mission field and are stationed at Fort Bragg in Fayetteville. Even though it was 12:30 at night, I texted her. When she didn't answer, I called her. I didn't leave a voicemail but she called me about ten minutes later. She said she was up anyway because they were at Camp Caraway with their youth for the wknd. Anyway..I started telling her all that was going on and told her we needed help. I asked if this was your child what would you do? She immediately told us to tell the doctors to take it one step at a time. The doctors were trying to follow protocol (of course, as they should!) but were wanting to do everything quickly and all at once. Alyson suggested waiting to see if her fever responded to the tylenol, having them do the blood work first and seeing if there was any abnormalities with that. She said she could then be admitted for observation if she needed to before deciding if we needed to do the spinal tap. Now.. don't get me wrong.. I'm not 100% against a spinal tap - and will do one if we ever need to - HOWEVER - Jonathan and I both knew that she had JUST gotten shots that day and we strongly felt like it was nothing other than her little body having a higher fever due to the vaccines. The DR's and nurses there couldn't understand that and kept trying to push so hard for us to sign the papers to do the spinal tap. In the meantime, Alyson had a close friend who was working that night and she texted her and told her to come find us. She did - and she reassured us that we were doing the right thing - and that's what she would do with her child, too - spinal tap would be the last resort. So...I was so thankful for her. Briley's fever started coming down (Praise the Lord) and she started eating again - just like normal - because she was starting to feel better. They did the bloodwork (which was painful to watch - because it was through a little IV - and all that came back normal. Because of that, we decided NOT to do the spinal tap and to follow up with our doctor the next day. Her fever never got back over 100.4 the next day. We monitored it constantly and (it did go up over 100 one time) but we gave her tylenol and, within 36 hours of her having the shots, it didn't come back anymore. I must say I am BEYOND thankful for Alyson Weimar and her friend for encouraging us and walking us through that whole process. Again, I am NOT against spinal taps - but I did not want to risk any kind of outside infection or just have them do it for no reason - when we felt so strongly her fever was just due to the shots. Also - we have talked to many people since then (even a few doctors and nurses) and they have all questioned why she had her shots at 6 weeks and not "2 months" (or 8 weeks). I was able to look at Tucker's records and he got his at 6 weeks as well. Even a close friend of mine who works with children had a chart from the CDC and it shows that it is recommended for babies to have those shots at 8 weeks.. so these are definitely questions I am going to take to my doctor when we see her at 4 months. (ACTUALLY, we changed and we are gonna have Briley start seeing the DR Tucker normally sees just because we already like her and have now had this bad experience with the other one..) I'm also going to ask her about the tylenol part - because we gave Tucker tylenol at 6 weeks but she was adament that we didn't need to give her any ... but then that's the first thing we did when we got to the ER.. go figure! Jonathan said it sounds to us like our doctor owes us our copay for the ER :) Anyway - I am just so thankful she is ok.. you can imagine that there was lots of prayer time and constant communication with the Lord that night. I am so glad He laid Alyson on my heart so we could talk through what was going on and get that reassurance from her. We understand that the DR's have to take themselves out of the situation and just follow protocol (that's what Jonathan does for a living, too, so we totally get it) - but sometimes you just know your child and your specific situation and I am thankful that we listened to our gut and didn't make any rash decisions that night. Hopefully she WON'T ever need a spinal tap.. but especially thankful she didn't need one last Friday ..

1 month old already!

Time flies! I feel like Briley was just born and it has been a month already (well, yesterday)! I wanted to try to keep her stats from the doctor on this blog. I didn't do such a good job with keeping Tucker's stats but I thought it would be cool to look back and see her growth/what/how she was doing at each point (along with how Tucker is doing, too). I know this sounds crazy but life isn't as crazy (YET!) with her arrival as it was with Tucker's. I've heard different things from different people about what the biggest adjustment was... for some people it's going from zero children to having 1 child. For others, it's going from 1 child to having 2. For others, it's more. So far, our biggest adjustment was going from zero to 1 child. I think it's because we didn't really know what to expect and are a little more laid back this time. With Tucker, I was worried about every little thing 24/7 but ... I'm trying not to be that way this time. Am I tired?! ABSOLUTELY! Am I worn out?! Of course! But ... Jonathan has been SUCH an awesome help and awesome husband and daddy. He has made sure I've been able to lay down when I'm overly tired (and when he's off work) and has just been the best daddy taking care of Tucker and Briley. I am blessed for sure! I'm not saying it's not going to get harder once she starts sleeping less and less and being awake more and more and moving and crawling, etc etc :).. but, at this point, we are at least making it :) Praying that continues!! It's so funny to see how two kids that came from the same gene pool can be so similar in ways and so different in other ways. I see such similarities in some of her expressions that remind me so much of Tucker when he was an infant.. but she also has her own little personality (well, as much personality as they have at a month old!) already! :) Anyway... Tucker has been such a good big brother. I think it has finally set in that she isn't going anywhere and she's here to stay! And I think he is happy about that! :) He loves her so much and I'm very thankful.. Here are a few pics from the 1st doctor's appt..

1st DR's appt: Monday, January 13, 2014 Weight: 7 lbs 5 oz (she had lost a little birth weight) Height: 20 inches We went back in for a weight check Wednesday, January 15th. She was 7 lbs 11 oz - almost back to birth weight! 2 week DR appt: January 22, 2014 Weight: 8 lbs 4 oz Height: 21 inches Head: 36 cm We go back for her 6 week check up Friday, February 21st. 1 month update Feedings: She is eating every 2 1/2 to 3 hours during the day and eats 2 or 3 times during the night (depending on the night) Sleeping: She sleeps a good amount of the day but is starting to wake up some. She goes down anywhere between 9 and 10 and wakes up about 2:00 or so, eats, then goes back down and wakes up about 5:30 or so and then may or may not go back down for another hour or so if Tucker hasn't woken up already.

Wordless Wednesday

The arrival of Briley Anne Williams! :)

On the morning of 1/8/14, I could not sleep.. I woke up tossing and turning and thinking about all kinds of things. I had planned Jonathan's "surprise" 30th birthday dinner for the upcoming weekend (1/11/14) because of Briley being due the day before his 30th birthday. I laid in bed thinking out all the details and trying to decide whether to take Tucker with us (and the other 28 people that had rsvp'd) OR if I was going to get a babysitter..........not knowing that this dinner was going to get postponed anyway, I laid there and laid there. This insomnia had not really been a problem for me the rest of the pregnancy (not to the point that it was with Tucker) - I guess because I was so worn out every night after chasing after my crazy toddler! Anyway.. so Jonathan had to go back to work that morning so he got on up and went. Tucker woke up around 7:00 and I went ahead and started giving him a bath to get ready for preschool. When I went to the restroom I had a little tinge of blood in my underwear (I know, TMI) ... but I had been cramping a tiny tiny bit so I thought .. hmmm I wonder if this is what it's like to see the beginning stages of labor?? I immediately texted my mom and Jonathan just to let them know and to be on standby. I already had an appointment at 10:20 so I was just going to ask her about it when I got there. Well ... I went on to take Tucker to preschool and drove straight to the doctor's office in Cary. I saw Dr. Richardson (one of my favorites). I told her what I had experienced that morning and she said "well ... that could mean that labor is either coming pretty soon or it could be another two weeks." She asked if I was having any contractions and, at that point, I really wasn't.. so she didn't even check to see if I was dilated. Once I left the doctor, I was on the phone with Ms. Debbie - it was 10:59 - and I had my first big contraction. There was no doubt this was a contraction..I told her I almost had to pull off the road. I knew it didn't mean anything until they were 5 minutes apart so ... I just went back to my mom's house to get some work done while I waited for Tucker to get out of preschool. As I worked, I started to tie up some loose ends because I just "felt like" labor was beginning. My next contraction was 40 minutes later. I started texting Jonathan every time I had a contraction just so we could both keep up with how far apart they were. When it was time to go pick Tucker up from preschool (which was 1:00 because he had "lunch bunch" this particular day), I was in pain.. the contractions were 15 minutes apart and then started getting closer and closer... 10 minutes, 7 minutes, etc. Once I got him home and got him down for a nap, Jonathan was calling asking if he needed to come on home. Of course, I was thinking so but, at the same time, I didn't want to go and be sent home. I told him to come on home. In the meantime, my mom said she could come over and keep Tucker until we found out if I was truly in labor. So ... about 2:55-3:00, I called the DR and they told me to go on over to the Raleigh office so they could check to see if I was dilating (instead of going to the Cary office so we wouldn't be so far away from the hospital). So ... off we went! Now, let me just say... I had eaten Bojangle's and Moe's and some other snacks throughout the day because I did NOT want to get caught in the middle of labor again (like I did with Tucker) and not be able to eat. I had also taken a shower immediately when I got out of bed because, again, I did not want to be caught without a shower. These were the two things that happened with Tucker :) I learned my lesson! Anyway ... so we get to the DR's office and Dr. Buckley checked to see if I was dilated about 3:45. When he did, he said "yep, you're in labor..you're already 4 cm's dilated.. head on to labor and delivery!" OMG!! :) So ... we did as he said. We got over there and they hooked me up and contractions started to get closer and closer. By this time, Jonathan had let everyone know (my mom, dad, his mom, Todd & Laine, close friends etc) to be praying because we were going to be having a baby sometime soon. At first, I didn't ask for the epidural (even though I knew I wanted it) just because I thought I had a while longer, but the closer and closer the contractions got, the more painful they were.. so about 5:00 or 5:30 or so I got the epidural. It hurt SO bad.. I didn't remember it hurting that bad when I had Tucker. It may have been worse because I kept having major contractions while they were putting it in. Anyway - withing about 15 minutes, I was feeling lots better. There was one side that was still feeling contractions so she added more epidural. Well .......... if I had done my research I would've never let her do that.. but I'll get to that in a minute. So ... my mom, dad, and Ms. Debbie came to visit. As they were visiting (about 6:20), I said "uh oh" ... my water had broken. At this point, they had not checked my progress yet (since we had left the dr office) so ... she checked me and I was at 10cm!! About 6:25 we started pushing. I probably pushed for 15-20 minutes and gave out...........I felt like I was going to fall asleep and just didn't feel good at all. They had to lay me on my side. My blood pressure had dropped. What we figured out was that I had too much epidural in me .. they put ice way right under my boobs and I was numb there (and you're not supposed to be) so ... they backed some of the epidural out. By this time, it was shift change so I was getting a new nurse. The new nurse that came in was AWESOME. Her name was Annette and she was a midwife in London/England for years. She was so encouraging and just said we would take as long as we needed to get my blood pressure right before we started pushing again. After about 30-45 minutes of laying there and not pushing, I started to feel better. My blood pressure was finally back to normal. About 7:35 we started pushing again and Briley Anne made her arrival at 7:57!! It was the most AMAZING thing - just like with Tucker. What a GIFT from GOD!! I am so much more in love with my husband for being such an awesome encourager and being right there with me every single second and now so much in love with both of my children as well. Now ... where was Tucker?! Tucker was WELL taken care of by Ben, Toni, BJ, and Samantha. I never had to worry one second because he LOVES them so I knew he was having fun. Ms. Debbie went home a little later and relieved Toni and stayed with Tucker that night. It was actually so nice to have her at night because we were able to have time - just the 3 of us - me, Jonathan, and Tucker - just to gaze at her and love on her before we introduced her to Tucker and the rest of the family/friends the next day. I am SO SO thankful to God for my blessings - Jonathan, Tucker, and Briley. Briley is doing great and adjusting so well here at home. Tucker has been such an AWESOME big brother. I was so worried about him being "rough" (because he is such a boy!) but he "just knows". He is so gentle with her and kisses her on the forehead every single chance that he gets. He is so protective of her already and wants to be around her all the time. I am so proud of him as a big brother. Now I'm sure there will be plenty of days where they will get on each others nerves and bicker and fight but, for now, I am enjoying him loving on her. GOD IS SOO GOOD!!

Santa 2013

The last 2 years Tucker has been VERY skeptical of Santa and has cried both times sitting in his lap. This year was completely different. He LOVED sitting in Santa's lap and telling him what he wanted for Christmas (a bicycle!.. and train tracks). The disappointing thing was that we couldn't take pictures with our own personal camera like we did the last couple of years so the picture isn't that great but I promise he was happy! He and Jonathan even went back to the mall for me today (to do some last minute things - b/c I barely last through a store or two) and Jonathan called to say he sat on Santa's lap again and just talked and talked to him. They didn't take a picture this time - but they were the only ones in line so he got to have good conversation with him for a few minutes. Here is a pic :)

Briley's Baby Sprinkle :)

We seriously have the best friends anybody could ask for! They threw Briley a baby sprinkle November 17th. It was absolutely perfect. We had already been blessed with a couple of showers for Tucker just three years back and already had most of the "big things" that we needed, but a few of my friends suggested celebrating Briley, too! I am so glad and thankful that we did. She got lots of cute "girly" things and lots of necessities, too (diapers, wipes, pacifiers, washcloths, bathtub, towels, etc. etc.) We are so thankful for our close friends and family that were able to share this time with us. I will try to upload pics later.

It's a ............... GIRL!!

I realize it has been a while since I've posted but wanted to keep track of this on my blog! We went in for our ultrasound August 27th, just like planned (and that I mentioned in an earlier post). This was the due date of the baby that we lost last year around this time. What a BLESSING it was to find out the gender of our baby GIRL that's on the way!! It has already been 16 weeks since we found out what we are having (because I am now 34 1/2 weeks! Only 5 1/2 - give or take - to go! Time flies! We are SO excited (and Tucker is too). I asked him the other day who was here (in the driveway - b/c my mom was coming to see him) and he said, "BRILEY??" Hahah - not yet, sweet boy.. but we have been talking about her for so long I think he is just ready for her to be here already! He may change his mind once she is crying! but for now.. he's so excited! We would greatfully appreciate your prayers as we prepare for the delivery and entrance of our baby girl into this world! We.can't.wait.!!!!

THANKFUL :)

I started this post in the middle of November and didn't come back to finish it until now------->On facebook, everybody is doing the 30 days of thankfulness in November. I love reading these posts. It is very refreshing to hear the positive rather than the negative that comes from facebook. I am SO thankful each and every day for these things that I'm going to list below - sometimes I don't like to share everything on facebook (just because..) so I decided to write it in a blog instead. Day 1 - I am thankful for Jesus Christ who saved me from a life of sin and darkness and gave me eternal life through His blood that was shed on the cross. Day 2 - I am thankful for my loving husband who is a man of God and leads our household in such a way. He is a a hard worker, makes us feel secure and safe, loves us, is such a wonderful husband and father. I could go on and on........I will spare you all the details and share with him instead. Day 3 - I am thankful for my sweet little two year old who brings so much life to our family. He is such a sweet and smart boy who repeats everything we do and say. It cracks us up. He loves to sing (about Jesus!!) and he talks constantly -- he's so growny! I love it! Day 4 - I am thankful for our baby girl who isn't even here yet. I can't wait to hold her and love her and raise her to be a Godly girl and eventually woman of God. Day 5 - I am thankful for the baby that we lost. I am also thankful that we will get to meet him/her one day! Day 6 - I am thankful for my family - immediate and extended. My family has always been there to support me and I can call on them anytime and they are there. Day 7 - I am thankful for friends - old and new. I have been blessed with some of the best friends anyone could ask for. Day 8 - I am thankful for our church family. They are there to hold you accountable, to encourage you, to love you despite your flaws and sins, and to help encourage you towards Christ. Yes, there are always "problems" in a church, but I count my blessings for each and every single person in our church family. Day 9 - I am thankful for the youth ministry in our church. We are beyond blessed with our youth minister and his wife and children as well as with each and every single leader I teach with. That is my "small group" and I just love them to pieces. Not to mention - every single youth (girls, specifically, for me). I love those girls beyond words and they teach me just as much as I teach them. Day 10 - I am thankful for where God has brought us from. Looking back over these past (almost) 5 years that we have been married, I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am that we are in a different place than we were when we got married. Let us never forget where we were so that we can always run towards Jesus, thanking Him for what He has done in our lives. Day 11 - I am thankful for trials. Some of our biggest trials have kept us leaning closer and closer to Jesus. Day 12 - I am thankful for my brother. He doesn't know it (and I should tell him) that he has always meant so much to me. I have tears welling up in my eyes as I type this, just thinking about it. When you get married, life takes you different directions with work and family but he ALWAYS will be my big brother and I will always be one of his biggest cheerleaders. Day 13 - I am thankful for Green Pines Baptist Preschool. I cannot even begin to tell you how much Tucker has learned at preschool. He just goes 3 days a week and it amazes me to hear the songs and the things that come out of his mouth. He will start singing a song and it just melts my heart to hear him singing about Jesus! Day 14 - I am thankful for the Sunday morning and Sunday night preschool at our own church as well. He learns so much during these times as well. These teachers have no idea how much they have taught my child. I am soo very thankful. Day 15 - I am thankful for my job. I never went into college thinking I would sale insurance (how boring!) but I LOVE my job. I especially love that I can work from home and be here raising my child at the same time. I am blessed. Day 16 - I am thankful for date nights (and those that keep Tucker for us to have a date night!) Day 17 - I am thankful for the calling Jonathan has on his life (and our family's). I love that song "While I'm waiting.. I will serve you, while I'm waiting... I will worship". That's the season I feel like we are in right now. God is constantly at work.. we just have no idea what's in store for our family down the road but Jonathan is pressing on, interning at church, taking classes at Southeastern, and still working at the fire station. As we wait, we will serve and worship Him. Day 18 - I am thankful for all the things God has provided us with (our house that we are renting right now, our cars, our clothes, food, etc. etc.) Day 19 - I am thankful for mentors and people God has placed in my life for a certain reason. I have several older ladies that are just such encouragers and have wisdom beyond my years and can help encourage me in the season that I'm in (with my marriage, having small child(ren), working, etc.) Day 20 - I am thankful for sleep and naptime! I know we won't get much starting in January when baby Briley arrives but I sure do enjoy resting so that I can be the best mom and wife I can be. I will do the best I can (as a wife and mother) in January! But I still may have to sleep when she sleeps .. if that's possible with a second one?! Day 21 - I am thankful that we can go to church and worship freely every Sunday. Day 22 - I am thankful for days we have nothing to do and can just enjoy time with one another. Day 23 - I am thankful for laughter. There's a lot of that around this house now that Tucker is as "growny" as he is. Day 24 - I am thankful for playdates! It is so nice to get out of the house on days we don't have preschool or anything going on! Day 25 - I am thankful for all 4 seasons. I was riding down the road the other day thinking how my favorite time of year was fall and winter (love the cool weather and all that comes with it), but then I was like, "wait, no.. I love spring and summer too!" (because of the beautiful flowers and the things that come along with warm weather, too). Day 26 - I am thankful for snow days or holidays where everything is closed and all you can do is spend time with family. Day 27 - I am thankful for the "little things".. surprises from my husband, giggles with my 2 yr old, etc. etc. Day 28 - I am thankful for the high school girls. They are such a blessing in my life. Day 29 - I am thankful for a warm house, food in the refrigerator, clothes we have to wear, etc. etc. Day 30 - I am thankful that God knows every hair on our head, every thought before we even think it.. just everything about us.. and loves us anyway! I could go on and on and on.. thank you, Lord, for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!

HIS Timing.. not mine!

I went in for my 16 1/2 week check up today. Before I went, I was telling Jonathan (and Shellie) that my next appointment would be about 4 weeks from now (which would be around September 10th) and that's when I would probably have the ultrasound to find out if our baby will be a boy or a girl! I mentioned to Shellie this morning that I was going to try to see if I could schedule it a few days earlier, September 4th, for my birthday (just to make it a little more special). I told her it probably wouldn't happen but didn't hurt to ask. When I got to my appointment, I realized I got to see one of my favorite doctor's, Dr. Richardson. I saw her a lot with Tucker but had not seen her yet with this sweet baby. She came in and was just the nicest thing ever... as usual. We talked about how I was feeling, she checked the baby's heartbeat (which sounded great today!) and just chit chatted for a few minutes (it was a quick appointment). When we were done, she said, "usually your next appointment would be 4 weeks from now and that's when you'll find out the gender.. but you can really find out at 18 weeks which would be about 2 weeks from now. Would you want to come in and go ahead and have your ultrasound and then come in again in 4 weeks for your regular appt?" I quickly replied, "YESSSSS! OF COURSE! :) She said "I thought you were gonna say that!" :) So ... she wrote on my chart to schedule me for 2 weeks from now. I went up to the front desk and the girl doing the schedule said, "OK - two weeks from now you will come in for your ultrasound to find out what you're having - two weeks is August 27th, will that work for you?" My heart sank and wanted to burst all at the same time. You see, August 27th was our due date with the baby that we lost in December. I looked down and replied, "of course, that would be wonderful." It had not even hit me that two weeks from now was August 27th. We obviously knew it was coming up and have had conversations about how that would be a tough day but honestly tried not to think/talk about it too much. When she said that date, I just couldn't help but immediately think how FAITHFUL God is. He had a plan from the beginning. He KNEW that day would be hard for us, but oh how joyous it will be to find out if we are having a baby boy or baby girl! I just walked out in disbelief. What I wanted for myself (for me to find out on my birthday), God had an even BETTER plan.. HE ALWAYS does! Thank you, Jesus, for your constant reminder of your love. I just can't even wrap my head around it. Stay tuned August 27th............................ :) :) :)

EXCITING NEWS!!

A LOT has gone on the past few months in the Williams household. First of all, our house sold!! PRAISE THE LORD!! It was on the market for 1 year and 3 months. We never got even one offer the whole time it was on the market and then, all of a sudden, we got TWO offers in one day!! It was the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and we were thrilled to receive them, counter-offer one of them, and PRAISE GOD IT ALL WENT THROUGH! That Friday afternoon that we got the offer, we got a call from Jonathan's mom saying the people who had been living in Jonathan's grandma's house the last two years -- (who kept saying "we're getting ready to move out" over and over again for the last several months - because they were building a house)-- they had called and said they were really moving out. We thought, OK ... what are the chances... we don't need to count on that because it'll probably still be a few months. NOPE! That Monday morning when we got back from the beach every single bit of their stuff had been moved out and it was ready for someone else to move in...US!! Of course we had to pray about it and make sure it was exactly what we felt the Lord leading us to do...it was!! So over the next few weeks we moved and have gotten settled into this new house and closed on our old one. GOD IS GOOD!! So to make this story even MORE exciting... the week before we got those offers on our house we found out WE ARE EXPECTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEP!! That's right!! I am 12 weeks pregnant today and we are due January 24th, 2014 - the day before Jonathan's birthday!! :) And we are praying so hard that this will be a healthy pregnancy for the baby and also myself!! GOD IS FAITHFUL!! So...a few days after Mother's Day, May 15th to be exact, we were over at Ms. Debbie's house that afternoon letting Tucker play and just wasting some time before we had small group at Nolan and Cara's that night. Well, Tucker was playing in a pool that we had just bought and he started to feel warm to me. When I took his temperature, it was 101 and we didn't have any tylenol so I told Jonathan I was going to run to the dollar general and I'd be right back. In the meantime, I had been feeling SOO tired and it was time for me to start and I just wasn't feeling good either. Of course we had been "trying" so I knew it was a possibility but still doubted that it would be "this month". Anyway...when I went into the dollar general I saw the pregnancy tests and there was just one in the pack for pretty cheap. I thought, "what the heck... I'll just get it." So... I picked up the tylenol and test and went back to Ms. Debbie's. I immediately got Tylenol in Tucker and then we decided to get him in the car and go on home since we weren't going to small group because of his fever. I ran back inside while Jonathan was emptying out the pool and I decided to go ahead and take the test. I just knew it was going to be negative. So ... I take it and the first little bit was just showing up negative and I thought "I knew it...that was stupid for me to buy a test". But then ............ all of a sudden, it was a very faint plus sign!! I was not believing my eyes!! So I walked outside to where Jonathan was and he kinda needed my help emptying out the pool (because it was heavy). He turned around as if to say "can you help?" And I held up the test! He says, "OK - so CAN you help?!!" I said NOPE!! We both just looked at each other and hugged like "oh my goodness I can't believe this!!" :) He quickly finished and we both got in the car with Tucker. We were SO excited but so afraid and scared and anxious and nervous all at the same time. We wanted to be screaming and shouting and all that but we just had that fear in us because of the loss we had a few months ago. Anyway ... so the next few weeks we told my mom, his mom, my dad, my brother, a few of my close close friends but not really very many people. I just didn't want anybody to know until we went to the DR and heard the heartbeat. So... we asked Aunt Faye to keep him for the appt. We went and tears just streamed down my face as we had our first ultrasound and the technician told us it seemed like, at this point, everything was great! The heartbeat was 158 bpm and beating strong! PRAISE GOD!! I have been overly cautious about everything...careful not to pick too much up, careful not to over-do it, etc. The nurse practitioner reassured me that there was "nothing I did last time to cause it" (and I believe her) but I'm just doing what I feel like I can do to protect our baby. Ever since we got past the point of when we lost the baby last time, I have felt such a peace about this pregnancy. God is carrying me through and protecting this sweet baby. This pregnancy has felt a lot different even from Tucker's. I have been SO sick (which normally women would complain about) but I THANK GOD for that feeling because it has helped reassure me that things are going as they should and my hormones are working! We go for our first trimester ultrasound this coming Tuesday and I think after that appointment I will feel more confident about announcing it to the world. I just had time tonight to sit down and blog so I wanted to go ahead and share it with the blogging world. I have learned so much these past few months. I KNOW GOD IS FAITHFUL, in any and all circumstances. His plan is best. PERIOD. He comforts us, he strengthens us, he uses us for His glory, He LOVES us.. OH how he loves us. Thank you, Jesus!

Mother's Day 2013

This years Mother's Day weekend was one of the best..mainly because I got to spend the time with lots of family (and, in my books, it doesn't get better than that). Friday night Tucker and I went over to PaPa & May's(my dad & Tammy's) house because they were keeping Stella and Jonathan was working so asked if I wanted to come. It was originally just gonna be me and Tucker, Stella and Tammy (because daddy was at the beach), but he came home early! :) Tucker had so much fun playing in the garden, playing on PaPa's tractor, eating pizza, and playing with baby Stella. What I realized is that we need a fenced in backyard for Tucker to just run around and play so we don't have to worry about him running in the street!! He was a worn out little boy after playing over there. Saturday morning we took MaMa (Ms. Debbie) out to eat at IHOP. Jonathan and I then finished last minute errands for our moms. We then went to MiMi & Mac's (my mom and Michael's) to put Tucker down for a nap so we could go to Auntie's 95th birthday. Got to see lots of family but not for very long.. we had to be back at my mom's to celebrate with her and Michael at 2:00 :) We had Olive Garden for lunch and it was soo good. Tucker got to play and play and wear himself out again..so we went home and all crashed! Jonathan had to work on Sunday so I had debated whether I would go to Williamston to see my grandparents or stay here and go to church... well... why not both?? Tucker and I went to sunday school and the first part of worship on Sunday and then we left and went to Williamston! We ate at the country club with MiMi, Mac, G-daddy, and "Moo-mama?" Don't ask me where Tucker got that from?! :) Anyway ... Tucker usually HATES riding in the car, which is why I was strongly debating even going to Williamston, but it must have been part of my "mother's day" present ... a FUN ride! He and I laughed and sang and talked about everything from animals to tractors to what color the cars/trucks were that we were passing to our family to his preschool friends/class.. he just cracks me up. I was nervous about the ride home since he had such a great ride there but he was just as good/fun on the way home! PTL! :) Anyway.. Jonathan and Tucker got me a beautiful Pandora (stackable) ring that goes with the 2 I already have. What's the significance,you ask?! Well, the first one he gave me was Tucker's birthstone. The second one he gave me was for our anniversary last year. The one they gave me this Mother's Day is an August birthstone...the baby that we were gonna have. The thing I love about these rings is that they are stackable..so I can wear all 3 of them at the same time. I am SO thankful for my husband and my son. They are my world!! I am blessed <3 I also realize there were people yesterday that were hurting and I want to offer up my prayers to them <3 People that have lost their mothers, people that are trying to become mothers, people that may not have a relationship with their mother.. whatever the case may be, my prayers are with you. Praying for God's healing hand on your circumstance, whatever it may be <3 Here are a few pics from this wknd :)

We kept Stella a few days ago during the day when her babysitter was sick. Tucker was so excited when we told him Stella was coming over. He kept saying, "baby? baby? baby?!" while he was waiting for her to get there. He is a little over-excited when she first gets there and wants to hold and play with her immediately, but after a few minutes he calms down and starts playing with his toys, always coming back to check on and play with her, though. He was showing her all his toys and trying to get her to hold each one of them. We had to explain that Stella isn't quite big enough yet to play but he insists! So we go along with it .. :) Here are a few pics from them "playing" together. Tucker says, "Tucker hold? Tucker hold?" So, of course, with super supervision, we let him "hold". :) Tucker giving Stella sweet kisses on her head :) Cheezin'!! :) Tucker, Daddy/Uncle J, & Stella :) Tucker trying to show Stella his game on the phone!

Swim Lessons

MiMi & Mac (my mom and step-dad) gave Tucker swim lessons for his birthday. I really wanted him to do this before this summer so he would be a little more comfortable in the water. He has loved it. He has a great teacher. There are about 6 other toddlers/baby's in his class, along with their parents, of course. The first week Jonathan "couldn't find his bathing suit" so mommy got in the water with Tucker. I loved it (and he loved it) but it is hard work for 30 minutes!! I was EXHAUSTED! Tucker was great! haha.. Anyway - here are a few pics of him swimming. We have two classes left and daddy unfortunately won't be there so it will be mommy's turn again (because he took over the last few weeks, thank goodness!!) And you will see in the pics that daddy is WAY more fun than mommy :) This was his expression when we told him we were getting ready to get in the pool!! He was so excited!! :) Mommy & Tucker in the pool ... before the fun/exhaustion began!! Daddy & Tucker in the pool! Daddy is so much fun! haha Tucker and his little swimmates :) Doing the hokey-pokey! Blowing bubbles! Reaching for the toy! Side-tracked! Daddy is so silly! :) Jumping in like a big boy!

Proud mommy moment! :)

We enrolled Tucker in a 1/2 day preschool this past September. He absolutely LOVES it. His preschool teacher, Ms. Sylvia, is so good with them and he loves all his little friends in his class. He only goes Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 9-12 but it is just enough time for me to get some work done. It also works out great with Jonathan's schedule most weeks. Anyway ... we got a letter in his backpack one day saying the preschoolers would be doing a play for Easter. I really didn't think twice about it because I thought it was just going to be the older pre-K students - not the "1 year old class", which is what Tucker is in. Tucker ended up being sick the Monday of that week (when the play was supposed to be on Wednesday) so Ms. Sylvia ended up calling us Tuesday night to "remind us" that the play was tomorrow (and to check on Tucker, of course). Well, like I said, I didn't realize it was for him too - I thought, "how in the world is my 2 year old going to stand up on stage and sing or participate without having a meltdown.." WELL ............ what was I thinking?! haha ... Thankfully, Jonathan was able to get off work and come too. We were scared to death that if he saw us he would not participate so ... we sat in the back. The pre-K's went through the beautiful story of Christ's death, burial, and resurrection. After they went, the 3 year old class sang, then the 2 year old class, and then Tucker's class! I am attaching the video. All I have to say is WOW!! I'm not impressed with my child, per-say, but I was so impressed with how they have taught my baby (and all the other kids) about Jesus and the Bible and how "God's word is always - chuuuuuuu (aka TRUE)". I also just knew he would have a meltdown and have to come off stage but he didn't. I am so thankful for these ladies and the love they show our kids. Since we were hiding and not letting Tucker know we were there, I was able to see how he is while we're not around (and, most importantly, how he's learning and singing about the Lord!) THANK YOU, JESUS!! Couldn't be any more proud!! Copy & paste THIS LINK --> in order to watch --> (sorry, not quite up to speed on how the links work through blogspot, etc.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykLF0TkqqKI

Tucker's 2nd Birthday Party!!

I can't believe I'm really posting again so soon! I know I said I would but in the back of my mind I was doubtful! Anyway .. tracing back over the last few months. We had Jonathan's birthday in January, of course, (and Uncle Todd's too!) We then had a sweet little boy's 2nd birthday party in February. I absolutely cannot believe Tucker is 2!! I ran into a lady at Target a few weeks ago who goes to my old home church (who I just love)! and she has grandkids of her own now. The day she saw us Tucker was actually having a good day (and a good time) in Target. We were going up and down the rows and he was saying "HEYYYYY, HEYYY, HEYYYYY" to everybody we passed. It was the cutest thing. She said she heard him from 3 rows over and then when she finally got to us she realized it was him. Anyway ... she mentioned that day that she's always told young mothers, "the days are long but the years are short." It's soo true! Anyway ... so fast-forward two weeks later. We were in Target again and Tucker was throwing tantrum after tantrum..he had thrown his ball out of the cart about 15 times and I told him if he threw it out again we would not be picking it up.. well?? what happened? He threw it out and I just kept going. He LOST it! Of course, once he lost it, there was no calming him down.. and we are trying to be consistent so that meant I could not get the ball and put it back in the cart just because he was crying.. SOO as I'm heading out the doors with this screaming 2 year old who is kicking his legs and throwing a tantrum the SAME lady from 2 weeks ago yells, "EMILY, EMILY" and I turn around like "oh no, who else is seeing this" (because I had already run into everybody and their mommas of course!!) and it was her. She said "remember - the days are long but the years are short!!" HAHA!! SOOO TRUE!! :) It made me smile because she has two grown boys of her own so she remembers those days fully well! So ... Tucker's birthday was so much fun and I owe a HUGE thank you to my mom and mother-in-law! I don't know what I would do without those two ladies. My husband is always our rock and a huge help!! however ... he came down with strep throat a few days before Tucker's party so, needless to say, he was in bed! Even though Tucker's party was SO much fun and turned out to be great, I think we will just do a pizza party or go to a restaurant or something next year. Don't get me wrong, I had SO MUCH FUN planning and getting all the decorations and food ready - it's the one time a year I actually do some kind of crafty stuff ;) - but I think Tucker would be just as happy playing with his friends and just eating pizza (with a balloon or two)! Jonathan and my mom and mother-in-law said they were going to remind me of that next year! haha Here are a few pictures from his party :) Tucker and his big Elmo balloon that he LOVED! He only got to play with it for 10 minutes, though, because it flew to the ceiling (the magnets came off) :/ Tucker's 2nd birthday cake! He LOVES Sesame Street! Nancy did an amazing job! The decorations and party food :) Tucker eating cake! He didn't eat much of the cake, but he devoured the icing :) The 3 of us :) Tucker and his baby cousin, Stella! :)

A busy year already!

It has been over 3 months since I've posted! What a busy year already! Between church activities (open gym, Appleseeds, Equipper Focus, etc), work for Jonathan and I, preschool for Tucker (including a special Easter performance!), birthday's (Jonathan's 29th and Tucker's 2nd!), along with spending time with family and friends, there hasn't been too much "free time" to sit down and post. Or if I'm sitting down, I haven't had the energy to post. Anyway.. I am planning to do a few posts over the next couple of days to show pictures and things from birthdays, etc. To sum up this year so far...WE.ARE.BLESSED.!! PERIOD!! END OF STORY!! BLESSED!! No matter what trials may come our way, God is our ROCK and we are thankful for the hard times because it's a testing and building of our faith in HIM. Having just celebrated Easter and the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, I can say the suffering we endure here on this earth is NOTHING in comparison to what and how He suffered for us. Having lived a perfect, sinless, life, HE took on our sins and died in our place so that we can have everlasting life. (PRAISE HIM!!) ANYWAY--> the reason I'm even posting on this blog today is because I was reading somebody else's blog during Tucker's naptime and this person had a miscarriage recently as well. They posted a song --> I will carry you by Selah <-- that has helped them (and it was actually a song someone already sent me - and I fell in love with it - but, of course, can't listen to it without tears streaming down my face). But anyway ... it led me to think about my post that I wrote over 3 months ago when we had our miscarriage. I am thankful for healing over these last 3 months and I am thankful that I did write it down (or type it - on this blog) and I pray that God would use my situation and circumstance for His glory. Not much more time to write today - Tucker should be up any minute - and we have a showing on our house in an hour and a half - so I have lots to clean!! But ... I will update more (hopefully) this week! :)

HIS plan is PERFECT ... even when we don't understand it

I'm not sure how to even start this post.. I want to say that GOD IS GOOD and HIS PLAN IS PERFECT and, although we don't always understand the reason for things that happen, we know that GOD IS IN CONTROL and HE IS SOVEREIGN. Jonathan and I decided a few months back, after lots of praying and knowing that Tucker was at a good age, to start trying to have another child. Jonathan is an only child and I was always very close with my brother so we knew we wanted Tucker to have that special bond with a sibling - IF it was the Lord's will. Well, a few Tuesday nights ago (December 18th), after leaving my brother and sister-in-law's house, we went home and I decided to take a pregnancy test. It was time for me to start and I knew I had been very tired. I had actually seen an extra pregnancy test under my cabinet during the day and thought... hey, why not? I didn't even tell Jonathan (which was unusual), but Tucker had gone to bed and I went straight to the bathroom and took it..I just knew it was going to be negative. So I sat there for a few seconds and the negative line starting showing up ............ and then all of a sudden a very faint plus sign starting to form. I couldn't believe it!!!! I sprinted to the kitchen as quickly as I could and said, "Jonathan come look at this!!!!!!!! and tell me what you think". He was like, "about what, what is it?" (Because, again, he didn't even know I was taking a pregnancy test.) He looked at it and was in SHOCK! We both were ... but we were soo excited all at the same time. Tucker was gonna be a big brother!! I decided to take another one just to make sure I could confirm what I was looking at ... and, sure enough, another positive pregnancy test. The hardest part was not getting on the phone right then and calling my family to tell them ... but Jonathan and I had already decided we were gonna keep this one quiet a little longer than we had done for Tucker (at least until we went for our first doctor's appt). So ... of course, I barely slept that night and just couldn't wait to call the DR in the morning. I made my pre-natal appt for January 3rd, when I would be 6 weeks and 2 days. So ... we went through Christmas parties with close friends and Christmas eve and Christmas day with all our family and didn't say a word. That was soo hard because my sister-in-law even asked if we had an announcement...I wanted to shout from the rooftop and say YES YES, we do!! ... but we didn't. So ... fast forward to the Wednesday after Christmas, December 26th. Jonathan had the flu during Christmas so Tucker and I were very careful to stay away from him, sleep on the couch, wash our hands constantly, etc. as to not get it (especially since Tucker is so little and I was pregnant). Thankfully, to this point, we haven't gotten it and Jonathan is all better - PTL! So, since Christmas was over and Jonathan was feeling better, I decided to head to Walmart to get some groceries and some big rubbermaid containers to start storing Tucker's old toys, clothes, Christmas decorations, etc. in. That morning I felt like I was "nesting" already - we even joked about it. I had cleaned out Tucker's closet and drawers, Jonathan had moved Tucker's changing table out (because we never use it anymore and we wanted to start turning his room into a "big boy" room since he was now going to be a big brother). So ... I left and went to Walmart. When I came home, it was raining so I was running in and out bringing groceries. I was adamant that Jonathan did NOT need to come out and get the groceries because he was just getting over the flu - there was no way I wanted him to have a relapse of it. So ... as I was bringing the groceries in, towards the last group of bags, I started feeling awful. Something felt like it was stretching in my stomach and I told Jonathan immediately I needed to lay down..so I did. He unloaded the groceries and made Tucker lunch and took care of everything else - he's always sooo good to me (and Tucker). So ... the rest of the afternoon I just rested. I was still hurting a little but not unbearable. I even looked for blood just in case but ... nothing... thankfully, I was ok. Most importantly, the baby was ok! So ... the next day we were lazy. I was working a little bit and I felt a lot better. I finally took a shower around 1:00 that afternoon when Tucker went down for his nap. We had planned to go see Aunt Faye and Jonathan's grandma and then Ms. Debbie was going to take Tucker home for us so Jonathan and I could eat out at Lonestar with one of our gift cards and we were going to do a little shopping with our Christmas GC & cash. Jonathan had not been out of the house (besides my mom's house) since Sunday so he was ready to get out. As soon as I got out of the shower, I went to lay down (without even drying my hair - which I NEVER do). I was so worn out. I took a quick power nap and then jumped up at 3:00, ready to get ready and go. When I did, I dried my hair and then I felt like I needed to use the bathroom. When I did, there was blood. Not a lot ... but everytime I wiped, there it was. I kept trying to make sure it was coming from where I thought it was and ... it was. I didn't worry at first because I thought it might just be "spotting." I immediately called my OBGYN's office and spoke to someone in appointments but told her what was going on and asked what I needed to do. I told her I was only 5 1/2 weeks along and I hadn't even been in for my pre-natal appt yet. She immediately got one of the nurses to come to the phone. She asked me details and, at that point, I didn't seem to worry and neither did she (she actually stated that some of those things could be "normal"), but we went ahead and scheduled an appt for me the next morning (since it was already after 3:30 and we were in Clayton). I asked Jonathan to call Ms. Debbie to tell her we weren't coming and she didn't need to keep Tucker and he told her why. She immediately came over just to play with Tucker so we could rest. I didn't call my mom (which was the hardest thing ever) but I could NOT do it. She had had SO MUCH going on with my grandparents the last few weeks and I knew I wasn't going to the doctor until this next morning so i KNEW she wouldn't sleep so .......... I decided not to tell her until I woke up and we were heading there. I did call my friend Crystal, though. She has always been like a big sister to me and has always helped me with all my pregnancy questions and, for that matter, so many things. First of all I had to tell her by phone that I WAS pregnant (and she made me laugh, saying she was mad at me for telling her by phone!) and then I started telling her details. Although she didn't know any answers and couldn't tell me for sure, she was THERE for me and was just there to listen. And she texted me off and on just to see how I was doing and to let me know she was praying. From 3:30 until about 5:30, I was doing ok, not worrying too much.. but then about 5:30, I went to the bathroom again and it was like I was on my period. I was cramping, there was blood (and lots of it) and ........... I got a horrible feeling. I decided to call the "on-call DR" to make sure I didn't need to go to the ER or anything and, she reassured me that I should be ok until the morning, but to call if ANYthing changed. She did think I was having a miscarriage and........ that's when I started to really worry. She said, "of course I can't tell you for sure since I'm not seeing you right now, but you definitely need to come in in the morning." Of course, all throughout the night, every minute seemed like an eternity. I tossed and turned and worried and prayed and wondered and just ........... couldn't get it off my mind. I kept running back and forth to the bathroom, just hoping that there would be no more and this would all be a dream of some kind? So ... 7:00 finally came and I got up (didn't even take a shower) and got ready real quick before Ms. Debbie got there to keep Tucker at 7:30. As Jonathan and I were waiting in the kitchen for her to arrive, I just broke down crying. The hardest part was that I didn't "FEEL" pregnant anymore. My boobs weren't tender, etc. and I just "KNEW". The whole way, Jonathan and I didn't really talk ... what was there to talk about? ... I did call my mom and told her what was going on. She just cried and cried and I told her I would call her when we left the doctor. SO ... we got to the DR and ... I walked in and (let me just say ... they need to have a separate rooms for people who have miscarriages because goooooodness ... I looked like I had been hit by a train and had tears just streaming down my face). Luckily, there was only one other person in there waiting and she was immediately called back (before I even sat down). Then, 15 seconds later, I was called back. They had to get my weight and pee sample, of course, and then we went around the corner for my blood pressure. We then had to wait again for a few seconds and then they called us back to the room. The DR came in and asked me what was going on and I told him. He said ok we're going to do the pelvic exam and then we'll talk. It was quiet while they were examining me. When he was done (which was like less than 2 minutes later), he said, "ok - meet me in my office across the hall when you get dressed." OK .......... so I got dressed very quickly and Jonathan and I went to his office. He said, "well, it does seem like you are having a miscarriage." He explained why miscarriages happen and assured me that it was nothing I lifted, nothing we could've done, but it just happened. He said the chromosomes didn't line up and the baby could've had all kinds of issues and problems. He talked about my blood levels and my blood type and how long I would bleed, etc. etc. and then asked Jonathan and I if we had any questions. We both looked at each other like "what are we supposed to ask?" We said no ... but really, had SO many questions (that he probably couldn't answer). He reassured us that I had a healthy pregnancy the first time and there's no reason to believe that I won't have a healthy pregnancy again. He said we could "try again in 4-6 weeks" ....... what?! I didn't even want to THINK about that ... but I know that's his job - telling us the facts and the "do's and don't's." So ... I had to do some blood work and then we were free to go. When we got up to the front desk to check out she said, "ok you have a $25 co-pay". Jonathan said, "I got it." And I turned away and just started balling ... I think he knew I didn't want to deal with a $25 copay. I didn't care HOW MUCH it was but ......... I have to pay YOU $25 for you to just tell US that our baby isn't making it?! ......... The whole way home I just cried and I felt so nauseous and my poor husband was just so strong and took care of me, even though he was dealing with grief himself. I texted my mom and Crystal because I couldn't talk ... I didn't really feel like it. We went home and I was just SO thankful to get my arms around my sweet little boy. WE ARE SOO BLESSED WITH A HEALTHY CHILD ALREADY. THIS is where I want to enter all our praise and thanksgiving to the Lord. IT could be SOO much worse. First of all, we have a God of comfort and peace and strength, the One who's plan is absolutely perfect. I don't doubt HIS plan for one milli-second. HE is in control. HE is our rock. He is so good to us. We are so blessed with salvation, a healthy marriage where God is the center, a healthy and precious and beautiful 22 month old who just brings so much life to our lives, a wonderful family who is there for us through anything, a wonderful group of friends who will be there to comfort us and pray for us and the list goes on and on and on. We are thankful that I was ONLY 5 1/2 weeks ... I have been beating myself up over that, thinking "Emily - stop it - the baby was only 5 1/2 weeks" but I also read that "loss is loss" and, although I was only 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, we loved that baby just like we love our sweet son. We are also very thankful, though, that I wasn't further along. I can't IMAGINE having a still-born baby or being further along with the nursery done, or having picked out a name, or knowing it's a boy or girl. We are also thankful that it wasn't a brother or sister or parent or friend that has been on this earth for a number of years ... we know it could be so much worse. We are also thankful that God restores the brokenhearted. Although we are thankful for all these things, it is still HARD. When you grieve, usually everybody knows. But we are really choosing not to tell that many people right now ... mainly because we just don't want to have to go through the whole story ... I'm not ready for that yet. I wanted my dad and step-mom and brother and sister-in-law to know but I wasn't ready to talk about it so my mom called and told them. We are all experiencing "loss" and we know, in time, it will get better. I didn't realize how much it was affecting Jonathan, too, until today. We laid in bed yesterday and he was just letting the tears roll, too, as I was. But today, he said he just feels numb (as I do, too). I am thankful to have him right by my side and that we have each other. We also have some very special friends at church who I told Jonathan he/(we) needed to confide in and we did. Jonathan went and told him yesterday (because I just felt like he needed somebody to talk to, too). They cried with us, prayed with us, and are there when we need them (as I know so many other people would be if/when we tell them). We KNOW we are going to get through this. We KNOW God is going to use this for His glory. We KNOW that baby is in heaven and we will see it one day. I thought maybe writing it all out would help me. I'm ok with people finding out, I just don't want to have to relive it and go over it again and again, not at this point. I will get there, but it's not today. If you do see this, will you please stop right now and pray for us? I am thankful to God that we do have a relationship with Him and know that He will bring us through this and that He is there to comfort us and give us strength. Now I understand what other people who have lost an unborn child go through. Again, God will certainly use this. He is all-powerful. He is our creator. He knit that baby together in my womb. How thankful we are to have experienced even being able to get pregnant with a second child - there are so many who are struggling even to have a first one. We will never forget that sweet baby that we never met.

The REAL reason for the season

Yesterday I was reminded of the exact reason we are here on this earth.......... Let me back up by saying this time of year is always crazy with the hustle and bustle of Christmas parties, church activies, shopping, preschool parties, exams (for Jonathan - and, in turn, me!) -- and, not to mention, this year my granddad had a heart attack at the beginning of December and had triple bypass surgery and just went home from the hospital today! PRAISE GOD! So, yes! It's been a busy season. With that said, it's easy to get caught up in the "craziness" of our busy lives. I do it all the time. So ... this past week has been especially crazy with work, Christmas parties/activities, helping Jonathan with some things at church, etc. etc. So Saturday afternoon Jonathan's "chair set up team" (for the new worship center) had to set up chairs for the first time since we have gotten into the new building. He wasn't feeling good ... had woken up with a fever ... but felt like he "couldn't miss" so he went to work anyway. He took off a few hours specifically to come to the church, set up chairs, and set up the Central Asia table (each staff member/intern was in charge of setting up a table to display with information, decorations, etc. each week of December, focusing on missions - his happened to be today (Dec. 23rd). So, needless to say, he was stressed and just completely worn down (on top of painting and putting in a floor at somebody's house all week for extra money). So ... of course, as his wife, I was worried about him, worried about Tucker, etc. etc. and decided I would go help set up chairs at the church while Tucker took a nap at Ms. Debbie's. I also wanted to help him put together the Central Asia table. So the chair set up went great! There were plenty of people there to help and it only took about 30 minutes - praise the Lord! So ... everybody left and it was just me and Jonathan left there to set up the table. While we were setting it up, Jonathan realized he needed to ride over to the church office to print a few more things. I was hesitant in going because I needed to get back to Tucker to get him ready to go to Auntie's for our Christmas get-together and then on to the Mohn's house for our annual Christmas/Christopher's bday party. BUSY BUSY! But ... I decided to go anyway (mainly to make sure he was ok and help him with what needed to be done so he could go back to work - and hopefully stop at urgent care on his way back). So ... when we pulled up at the office, we were getting out and this old, beat up car started driving up with a colored lady in it. She rolled down her window and said, "excuse me, is the pastor here?" I said, "no ma'am - he just left! Is there something I can help you with?" She immediately put her head down and started bawling. I told Jonathan to go on inside and I went down to her car. I just opened the door and started hugging her. I asked her what was wrong and she was having trouble even getting the words out at first. Because it was so cold outside, I invited her to come into the conference room where it was warm so we could sit and talk. When we sat down, I noticed she had a speech issue. She told me she was hearing impaired but she read lips - she had a hearing aid in each ear. I could understand her, though, and she seemed to be able to understand everything I said - because she would answer my questions completely. She started telling me how everything was just falling apart and nothing was going right and she was riding down the road (crying for help) and she kept looking for cars at churches in Zebulon, Wendell, etc. but she didn't see anybody and she said "Lord, you are gonna have to take the wheel ... I don't even know where I'm going" and He led her straight to Central. She said she had been there before and spoken to one of our staff members and she worked at a local nursing home and everybody seemed to be talking about Christmas and exchanging presents but she was just trying to have food on the table and clothes on her back. She proceeded to tell me all about the struggles in her life - molestation as a child, domestic violence, a mother who is on drugs, etc. etc. and she just felt like her life was falling apart. She had been homeless before but is now in low-income housing, PTL! She said she has a bed but is looking for a couch. She bought her couch at Goodwill, but when she got it home, she realized it had bed bugs all over it. She had to throw it out. Since she is hard of hearing, she likes to be able to be in her living room most of the time so she can hear somebody coming to her door, but she isn't able to do that now (unless she is on the floor). As I sat there listening, I could clearly hear the Lord telling me, "this is a reminder that there are people out there that are starving, cold, homeless, sick, broken ... and you are on this earth for a specific purpose - it's not to make every Christmas party on time, it's not to buy the most expensive stuff, it's not to worry about me, myself and I ... it's to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and to share HIS love with others. You are to tell her about Jesus, encourage her, help her because somebody else has done those very same things for you." THANK YOU, GOD, for that awesome reminder. So the most important part was I did ask her if she had ever accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior and what that meant to her and she had. She just said she needed a "family" to encourage her, help her, etc. That is why we are here! Because Jonathan worked extra hard this week, we, FOR ONCE, were able to help her just a little. When I ran down to Ms. Debbie's house to get something for her, Ms. Debbie gave me 3 jackets for her and was able to help her, too. I invited her to church the next day (today), but I really didn't think she would come. I even mentioned it to the staff member that had spoken to her before and she said, "yea ... she always says she is going to come but she doesn't come." Well ... PRAISE GOD she showed up!! I was SHOCKED and just amazed at how God works! I needed that encouragement and reminder that there are hurting people ... broken people ... who NEED JESUS! And it's not about ME! It's about JESUS!! It couldn't have come at a more perfect time! She still does need a couch, so anybody that reads this (which I don't think is anybody - so I will post on facebook), please spread the word and let me know if you have one or know somebody who does. She trusts that Jesus is going to provide - but we have to be His hands and His feet and allow His Holy Spirit to work in us and through us - for the sake of His kingdom. Thank you, Lord Jesus! I was blessed far beyond what she was!

Time flies when you are having fun! It is unbelievable that Jonathan and I have been married for 4 years already. I am so much more in love with him than even the day we got married. I must say ... I am so thankful that we are not in the same place as we were when we got married 4 years ago. We have talked about it a million times, and although our love for each other was strong and true, the Lord was not yet the center of our lives, therefore, he couldn't be the center of our marriage. I am so thankful for February 17th, 2009, two months after we got married, because that's when we both SURRENDERED and gave our lives to Christ completely. THANK YOU, JESUS! Because of that, our marriage has grown and God has been able to use us as a couple (and a family). I love my husband for being the godly leader of our household that he is -- a godly and loving father, husband, best friend, who is real, genuine, hilarious, fun-loving, compassionate, caring, and makes us feel safe and secure. I love him for so much more than that and I am thankful to God for choosing Him for me as my husband.