Calling .........

I know my last post was about the birth of Tucker-man, but it is impossible to go back and recap every single event and detail from his birth to now. I will probably periodically post something from within the past 20 months (like first Christmas, first vacation, etc. etc.) but for now, I'm gonna start posting what's going on NOW. Lots of things have happened within the past year and a half/two years. God has blessed us greatly and we thank HIM for that. Before Tucker was born, Jonathan and I really felt a strong call on his life to go into the ministry. We felt the Lord telling us to sell our house, move back to Wendell, start school (seminary for Jonathan) and to continue to serve Him in every area of our lives. Well ... we were anticipating Tucker arriving and what I heard God saying was not what "I" wanted to do. HOW SELFISH of me!! "I" didn't want to sell our house ... we had JUST finished the nursery, I was 8 months pregnant, we didn't have the money, yada yada yada.. LET ME TELL YOU, God always knows what's best, NOT ME!! At that time, we said "OK, God - we hear your call. We are ready - "send us, we'll go" ... but we stayed right here. We didn't actually make a MOVE in any of the areas he was telling us to. We SAID ok we'll do it, but we didn't actually "DO IT". Let me tell you, life is MISERABLE when you are living outside of God's will. Although we had the most precious gift given to us (WHO IS THE LIGHT OF OUR LIFE!! - HE WAS THEN AND STILL IS NOW!!), things were rough. I developed bad anxiety about 4 months after having Tucker where I couldn't stay by myself at all. As anybody who is reading this probably knows, Jonathan is a fireman so he is gone 24 hours at the time. What that meant for us was that my mom or his mom would have to stay with me & Tucker or we had to end up staying with them.. which was not convenient for ANYbody!! We also had one health issue after another (including appendectomy along with other random ER visits and hospital stays) which ran our medical bills up like crazy.. so I thought we "didn't have the money" for school ... well, we really didn't have money now.. (SIDENOTE - this is info leading up to what I'm about to tell you ... we are BEYOND BLESSED so I know our health issues and financial issues could be much much worse) - this was just a time that we felt like maybe we were paying some of the consequences for not being obedient to Him in the first place............. OK so let's move to NOW. Back at the beginning of the summer, God's call on Jonathan's life still remained. Just because we had not made a move up to this point, didn't mean the call had "gone away". When God calls you, HE calls you loud and clear! We said "OK GOD - we are sorry for not making a move up until this point ... what are YOUR plans for us? Because we can do NOTHING without you and we don't want to live outside of your perfect will any longer." So ... God said sell your dad's car (1964 impala), use that money to go back to school, even though it's almost the cut-off date to applications being in, I'll push it through, I'll provide extra finances for you through an internship at church, put your house on the market and I will take care of selling it for you. So, off we went, believing God CAN DO ANYTHING ... Jonathan's dad's car sold and it provided enough money to get him started in school, Jonathan's application was accepted and he was able to start on time this fall (through internet classes to go along with His fire schedule - PTL), God provided the internship for him to also start in the fall, and our house is still on the market but we KNOW that God is faithful and He will provide the right person for this house. Another blessing - through prayer and believing that God can take it away, my anxiety is little to none - PRAISE THE LORD. I never understood what it meant to have depression or anxiety until this past year and a half, but I will pray so hard for anybody who has it. I now get it. I am so thankful He has allowed me to be ok staying by myself (with Tucker). Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but they are nothing like what I had several months ago. Our GOD ALMIGHTY is so much bigger than Satan and any doubts, anxieties, or worries he puts in our heads. Thank you, Jesus! I have never seen my husband so passionate about something in his life. He loves the Lord, loves his classes, loves reading God's word and digging deeper into it. We are also soo crazy about our youth group. God has blessed us with awesome friends (other youth leaders) and also these awesome kids who are growing and maturing in God's word. God is faithful. He uses our peaks to strengthen and encourage us, but has also used those deep valleys to grow us into who He is calling us to be. Lesson learned: GOD KNOWS BEST!!