HIS plan is PERFECT ... even when we don't understand it

I'm not sure how to even start this post.. I want to say that GOD IS GOOD and HIS PLAN IS PERFECT and, although we don't always understand the reason for things that happen, we know that GOD IS IN CONTROL and HE IS SOVEREIGN. Jonathan and I decided a few months back, after lots of praying and knowing that Tucker was at a good age, to start trying to have another child. Jonathan is an only child and I was always very close with my brother so we knew we wanted Tucker to have that special bond with a sibling - IF it was the Lord's will. Well, a few Tuesday nights ago (December 18th), after leaving my brother and sister-in-law's house, we went home and I decided to take a pregnancy test. It was time for me to start and I knew I had been very tired. I had actually seen an extra pregnancy test under my cabinet during the day and thought... hey, why not? I didn't even tell Jonathan (which was unusual), but Tucker had gone to bed and I went straight to the bathroom and took it..I just knew it was going to be negative. So I sat there for a few seconds and the negative line starting showing up ............ and then all of a sudden a very faint plus sign starting to form. I couldn't believe it!!!! I sprinted to the kitchen as quickly as I could and said, "Jonathan come look at this!!!!!!!! and tell me what you think". He was like, "about what, what is it?" (Because, again, he didn't even know I was taking a pregnancy test.) He looked at it and was in SHOCK! We both were ... but we were soo excited all at the same time. Tucker was gonna be a big brother!! I decided to take another one just to make sure I could confirm what I was looking at ... and, sure enough, another positive pregnancy test. The hardest part was not getting on the phone right then and calling my family to tell them ... but Jonathan and I had already decided we were gonna keep this one quiet a little longer than we had done for Tucker (at least until we went for our first doctor's appt). So ... of course, I barely slept that night and just couldn't wait to call the DR in the morning. I made my pre-natal appt for January 3rd, when I would be 6 weeks and 2 days. So ... we went through Christmas parties with close friends and Christmas eve and Christmas day with all our family and didn't say a word. That was soo hard because my sister-in-law even asked if we had an announcement...I wanted to shout from the rooftop and say YES YES, we do!! ... but we didn't. So ... fast forward to the Wednesday after Christmas, December 26th. Jonathan had the flu during Christmas so Tucker and I were very careful to stay away from him, sleep on the couch, wash our hands constantly, etc. as to not get it (especially since Tucker is so little and I was pregnant). Thankfully, to this point, we haven't gotten it and Jonathan is all better - PTL! So, since Christmas was over and Jonathan was feeling better, I decided to head to Walmart to get some groceries and some big rubbermaid containers to start storing Tucker's old toys, clothes, Christmas decorations, etc. in. That morning I felt like I was "nesting" already - we even joked about it. I had cleaned out Tucker's closet and drawers, Jonathan had moved Tucker's changing table out (because we never use it anymore and we wanted to start turning his room into a "big boy" room since he was now going to be a big brother). So ... I left and went to Walmart. When I came home, it was raining so I was running in and out bringing groceries. I was adamant that Jonathan did NOT need to come out and get the groceries because he was just getting over the flu - there was no way I wanted him to have a relapse of it. So ... as I was bringing the groceries in, towards the last group of bags, I started feeling awful. Something felt like it was stretching in my stomach and I told Jonathan immediately I needed to lay down..so I did. He unloaded the groceries and made Tucker lunch and took care of everything else - he's always sooo good to me (and Tucker). So ... the rest of the afternoon I just rested. I was still hurting a little but not unbearable. I even looked for blood just in case but ... nothing... thankfully, I was ok. Most importantly, the baby was ok! So ... the next day we were lazy. I was working a little bit and I felt a lot better. I finally took a shower around 1:00 that afternoon when Tucker went down for his nap. We had planned to go see Aunt Faye and Jonathan's grandma and then Ms. Debbie was going to take Tucker home for us so Jonathan and I could eat out at Lonestar with one of our gift cards and we were going to do a little shopping with our Christmas GC & cash. Jonathan had not been out of the house (besides my mom's house) since Sunday so he was ready to get out. As soon as I got out of the shower, I went to lay down (without even drying my hair - which I NEVER do). I was so worn out. I took a quick power nap and then jumped up at 3:00, ready to get ready and go. When I did, I dried my hair and then I felt like I needed to use the bathroom. When I did, there was blood. Not a lot ... but everytime I wiped, there it was. I kept trying to make sure it was coming from where I thought it was and ... it was. I didn't worry at first because I thought it might just be "spotting." I immediately called my OBGYN's office and spoke to someone in appointments but told her what was going on and asked what I needed to do. I told her I was only 5 1/2 weeks along and I hadn't even been in for my pre-natal appt yet. She immediately got one of the nurses to come to the phone. She asked me details and, at that point, I didn't seem to worry and neither did she (she actually stated that some of those things could be "normal"), but we went ahead and scheduled an appt for me the next morning (since it was already after 3:30 and we were in Clayton). I asked Jonathan to call Ms. Debbie to tell her we weren't coming and she didn't need to keep Tucker and he told her why. She immediately came over just to play with Tucker so we could rest. I didn't call my mom (which was the hardest thing ever) but I could NOT do it. She had had SO MUCH going on with my grandparents the last few weeks and I knew I wasn't going to the doctor until this next morning so i KNEW she wouldn't sleep so .......... I decided not to tell her until I woke up and we were heading there. I did call my friend Crystal, though. She has always been like a big sister to me and has always helped me with all my pregnancy questions and, for that matter, so many things. First of all I had to tell her by phone that I WAS pregnant (and she made me laugh, saying she was mad at me for telling her by phone!) and then I started telling her details. Although she didn't know any answers and couldn't tell me for sure, she was THERE for me and was just there to listen. And she texted me off and on just to see how I was doing and to let me know she was praying. From 3:30 until about 5:30, I was doing ok, not worrying too much.. but then about 5:30, I went to the bathroom again and it was like I was on my period. I was cramping, there was blood (and lots of it) and ........... I got a horrible feeling. I decided to call the "on-call DR" to make sure I didn't need to go to the ER or anything and, she reassured me that I should be ok until the morning, but to call if ANYthing changed. She did think I was having a miscarriage and........ that's when I started to really worry. She said, "of course I can't tell you for sure since I'm not seeing you right now, but you definitely need to come in in the morning." Of course, all throughout the night, every minute seemed like an eternity. I tossed and turned and worried and prayed and wondered and just ........... couldn't get it off my mind. I kept running back and forth to the bathroom, just hoping that there would be no more and this would all be a dream of some kind? So ... 7:00 finally came and I got up (didn't even take a shower) and got ready real quick before Ms. Debbie got there to keep Tucker at 7:30. As Jonathan and I were waiting in the kitchen for her to arrive, I just broke down crying. The hardest part was that I didn't "FEEL" pregnant anymore. My boobs weren't tender, etc. and I just "KNEW". The whole way, Jonathan and I didn't really talk ... what was there to talk about? ... I did call my mom and told her what was going on. She just cried and cried and I told her I would call her when we left the doctor. SO ... we got to the DR and ... I walked in and (let me just say ... they need to have a separate rooms for people who have miscarriages because goooooodness ... I looked like I had been hit by a train and had tears just streaming down my face). Luckily, there was only one other person in there waiting and she was immediately called back (before I even sat down). Then, 15 seconds later, I was called back. They had to get my weight and pee sample, of course, and then we went around the corner for my blood pressure. We then had to wait again for a few seconds and then they called us back to the room. The DR came in and asked me what was going on and I told him. He said ok we're going to do the pelvic exam and then we'll talk. It was quiet while they were examining me. When he was done (which was like less than 2 minutes later), he said, "ok - meet me in my office across the hall when you get dressed." OK .......... so I got dressed very quickly and Jonathan and I went to his office. He said, "well, it does seem like you are having a miscarriage." He explained why miscarriages happen and assured me that it was nothing I lifted, nothing we could've done, but it just happened. He said the chromosomes didn't line up and the baby could've had all kinds of issues and problems. He talked about my blood levels and my blood type and how long I would bleed, etc. etc. and then asked Jonathan and I if we had any questions. We both looked at each other like "what are we supposed to ask?" We said no ... but really, had SO many questions (that he probably couldn't answer). He reassured us that I had a healthy pregnancy the first time and there's no reason to believe that I won't have a healthy pregnancy again. He said we could "try again in 4-6 weeks" ....... what?! I didn't even want to THINK about that ... but I know that's his job - telling us the facts and the "do's and don't's." So ... I had to do some blood work and then we were free to go. When we got up to the front desk to check out she said, "ok you have a $25 co-pay". Jonathan said, "I got it." And I turned away and just started balling ... I think he knew I didn't want to deal with a $25 copay. I didn't care HOW MUCH it was but ......... I have to pay YOU $25 for you to just tell US that our baby isn't making it?! ......... The whole way home I just cried and I felt so nauseous and my poor husband was just so strong and took care of me, even though he was dealing with grief himself. I texted my mom and Crystal because I couldn't talk ... I didn't really feel like it. We went home and I was just SO thankful to get my arms around my sweet little boy. WE ARE SOO BLESSED WITH A HEALTHY CHILD ALREADY. THIS is where I want to enter all our praise and thanksgiving to the Lord. IT could be SOO much worse. First of all, we have a God of comfort and peace and strength, the One who's plan is absolutely perfect. I don't doubt HIS plan for one milli-second. HE is in control. HE is our rock. He is so good to us. We are so blessed with salvation, a healthy marriage where God is the center, a healthy and precious and beautiful 22 month old who just brings so much life to our lives, a wonderful family who is there for us through anything, a wonderful group of friends who will be there to comfort us and pray for us and the list goes on and on and on. We are thankful that I was ONLY 5 1/2 weeks ... I have been beating myself up over that, thinking "Emily - stop it - the baby was only 5 1/2 weeks" but I also read that "loss is loss" and, although I was only 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, we loved that baby just like we love our sweet son. We are also very thankful, though, that I wasn't further along. I can't IMAGINE having a still-born baby or being further along with the nursery done, or having picked out a name, or knowing it's a boy or girl. We are also thankful that it wasn't a brother or sister or parent or friend that has been on this earth for a number of years ... we know it could be so much worse. We are also thankful that God restores the brokenhearted. Although we are thankful for all these things, it is still HARD. When you grieve, usually everybody knows. But we are really choosing not to tell that many people right now ... mainly because we just don't want to have to go through the whole story ... I'm not ready for that yet. I wanted my dad and step-mom and brother and sister-in-law to know but I wasn't ready to talk about it so my mom called and told them. We are all experiencing "loss" and we know, in time, it will get better. I didn't realize how much it was affecting Jonathan, too, until today. We laid in bed yesterday and he was just letting the tears roll, too, as I was. But today, he said he just feels numb (as I do, too). I am thankful to have him right by my side and that we have each other. We also have some very special friends at church who I told Jonathan he/(we) needed to confide in and we did. Jonathan went and told him yesterday (because I just felt like he needed somebody to talk to, too). They cried with us, prayed with us, and are there when we need them (as I know so many other people would be if/when we tell them). We KNOW we are going to get through this. We KNOW God is going to use this for His glory. We KNOW that baby is in heaven and we will see it one day. I thought maybe writing it all out would help me. I'm ok with people finding out, I just don't want to have to relive it and go over it again and again, not at this point. I will get there, but it's not today. If you do see this, will you please stop right now and pray for us? I am thankful to God that we do have a relationship with Him and know that He will bring us through this and that He is there to comfort us and give us strength. Now I understand what other people who have lost an unborn child go through. Again, God will certainly use this. He is all-powerful. He is our creator. He knit that baby together in my womb. How thankful we are to have experienced even being able to get pregnant with a second child - there are so many who are struggling even to have a first one. We will never forget that sweet baby that we never met.

The REAL reason for the season

Yesterday I was reminded of the exact reason we are here on this earth.......... Let me back up by saying this time of year is always crazy with the hustle and bustle of Christmas parties, church activies, shopping, preschool parties, exams (for Jonathan - and, in turn, me!) -- and, not to mention, this year my granddad had a heart attack at the beginning of December and had triple bypass surgery and just went home from the hospital today! PRAISE GOD! So, yes! It's been a busy season. With that said, it's easy to get caught up in the "craziness" of our busy lives. I do it all the time. So ... this past week has been especially crazy with work, Christmas parties/activities, helping Jonathan with some things at church, etc. etc. So Saturday afternoon Jonathan's "chair set up team" (for the new worship center) had to set up chairs for the first time since we have gotten into the new building. He wasn't feeling good ... had woken up with a fever ... but felt like he "couldn't miss" so he went to work anyway. He took off a few hours specifically to come to the church, set up chairs, and set up the Central Asia table (each staff member/intern was in charge of setting up a table to display with information, decorations, etc. each week of December, focusing on missions - his happened to be today (Dec. 23rd). So, needless to say, he was stressed and just completely worn down (on top of painting and putting in a floor at somebody's house all week for extra money). So ... of course, as his wife, I was worried about him, worried about Tucker, etc. etc. and decided I would go help set up chairs at the church while Tucker took a nap at Ms. Debbie's. I also wanted to help him put together the Central Asia table. So the chair set up went great! There were plenty of people there to help and it only took about 30 minutes - praise the Lord! So ... everybody left and it was just me and Jonathan left there to set up the table. While we were setting it up, Jonathan realized he needed to ride over to the church office to print a few more things. I was hesitant in going because I needed to get back to Tucker to get him ready to go to Auntie's for our Christmas get-together and then on to the Mohn's house for our annual Christmas/Christopher's bday party. BUSY BUSY! But ... I decided to go anyway (mainly to make sure he was ok and help him with what needed to be done so he could go back to work - and hopefully stop at urgent care on his way back). So ... when we pulled up at the office, we were getting out and this old, beat up car started driving up with a colored lady in it. She rolled down her window and said, "excuse me, is the pastor here?" I said, "no ma'am - he just left! Is there something I can help you with?" She immediately put her head down and started bawling. I told Jonathan to go on inside and I went down to her car. I just opened the door and started hugging her. I asked her what was wrong and she was having trouble even getting the words out at first. Because it was so cold outside, I invited her to come into the conference room where it was warm so we could sit and talk. When we sat down, I noticed she had a speech issue. She told me she was hearing impaired but she read lips - she had a hearing aid in each ear. I could understand her, though, and she seemed to be able to understand everything I said - because she would answer my questions completely. She started telling me how everything was just falling apart and nothing was going right and she was riding down the road (crying for help) and she kept looking for cars at churches in Zebulon, Wendell, etc. but she didn't see anybody and she said "Lord, you are gonna have to take the wheel ... I don't even know where I'm going" and He led her straight to Central. She said she had been there before and spoken to one of our staff members and she worked at a local nursing home and everybody seemed to be talking about Christmas and exchanging presents but she was just trying to have food on the table and clothes on her back. She proceeded to tell me all about the struggles in her life - molestation as a child, domestic violence, a mother who is on drugs, etc. etc. and she just felt like her life was falling apart. She had been homeless before but is now in low-income housing, PTL! She said she has a bed but is looking for a couch. She bought her couch at Goodwill, but when she got it home, she realized it had bed bugs all over it. She had to throw it out. Since she is hard of hearing, she likes to be able to be in her living room most of the time so she can hear somebody coming to her door, but she isn't able to do that now (unless she is on the floor). As I sat there listening, I could clearly hear the Lord telling me, "this is a reminder that there are people out there that are starving, cold, homeless, sick, broken ... and you are on this earth for a specific purpose - it's not to make every Christmas party on time, it's not to buy the most expensive stuff, it's not to worry about me, myself and I ... it's to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and to share HIS love with others. You are to tell her about Jesus, encourage her, help her because somebody else has done those very same things for you." THANK YOU, GOD, for that awesome reminder. So the most important part was I did ask her if she had ever accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior and what that meant to her and she had. She just said she needed a "family" to encourage her, help her, etc. That is why we are here! Because Jonathan worked extra hard this week, we, FOR ONCE, were able to help her just a little. When I ran down to Ms. Debbie's house to get something for her, Ms. Debbie gave me 3 jackets for her and was able to help her, too. I invited her to church the next day (today), but I really didn't think she would come. I even mentioned it to the staff member that had spoken to her before and she said, "yea ... she always says she is going to come but she doesn't come." Well ... PRAISE GOD she showed up!! I was SHOCKED and just amazed at how God works! I needed that encouragement and reminder that there are hurting people ... broken people ... who NEED JESUS! And it's not about ME! It's about JESUS!! It couldn't have come at a more perfect time! She still does need a couch, so anybody that reads this (which I don't think is anybody - so I will post on facebook), please spread the word and let me know if you have one or know somebody who does. She trusts that Jesus is going to provide - but we have to be His hands and His feet and allow His Holy Spirit to work in us and through us - for the sake of His kingdom. Thank you, Lord Jesus! I was blessed far beyond what she was!

Time flies when you are having fun! It is unbelievable that Jonathan and I have been married for 4 years already. I am so much more in love with him than even the day we got married. I must say ... I am so thankful that we are not in the same place as we were when we got married 4 years ago. We have talked about it a million times, and although our love for each other was strong and true, the Lord was not yet the center of our lives, therefore, he couldn't be the center of our marriage. I am so thankful for February 17th, 2009, two months after we got married, because that's when we both SURRENDERED and gave our lives to Christ completely. THANK YOU, JESUS! Because of that, our marriage has grown and God has been able to use us as a couple (and a family). I love my husband for being the godly leader of our household that he is -- a godly and loving father, husband, best friend, who is real, genuine, hilarious, fun-loving, compassionate, caring, and makes us feel safe and secure. I love him for so much more than that and I am thankful to God for choosing Him for me as my husband.

Tucker's 2nd visit with Santa Clause

As you can see below, Tucker is not yet a fan of Santa. Well ... let me rephrase that. NOT a big fan of sitting on Santa's lap without mommy and daddy holding him. He didn't mind standing in line waving at him, but when it came time to sit with him, he was not ok with that. Oh well, we will try again next year :)

Stella is here!! December 9th, 2012

Our beautiful niece arrived Sunday, December 9th, 2012. She is perfect! Talk about baby fever ... I honestly had not had it for the last (almost) 2 years since Tucker was born. BUT ... now I definitely do (thanks, Todd & Laine)! I am looking forward to spoiling her and loving her! Tucker does not know what to think of her. When he first met her, he really didn't pay much attention to her. Finally, the other night at Auntie's house (for Christmas), he got a little closer to her carseat and was trying to figure her out. It was too cute. She will be as big as he is before long and they will be the best of cousin-buddies! Here are a few pictures!

10 Year High School Reunion Planning

Last night we had our first committee meeting for planning our 10 year high school reunion. OH MY GOODNESS!! I was full of emotions as I was driving to Chris Grissinger's mom's house. 10 YEARS?! Where has the time gone?! I felt like I was driving "home" but to an unfamiliar place all at the same time. When I got there, we picked up right where we left off and had a great time planning. Lots of great ideas from everyone. The funny thing was there were 2 people who I wasn't very close with in high school that were there to help plan and ... Adam Robertson (one of my old roommates - like a brother to me) was there and we were sitting and just catching up and we both looked at each other when they walked in the door and said, "who is that? did we graduate with them?!" We both started cracking up. 10 years is a long time ... you forget names, you forget some faces, but there are so many memories and details you don't forget. I am blessed with such a close-knit class. A big class (which is why I didn't know EVERYbody), but for the most part a tight group. I am looking so forward to working with them and being able to catch up with everyone on what's been going on the last 10 years. And for the ones I didn't know ... even getting to know them better - I am excited about that. The word to describe last night is THANKFUL. I am THANKFUL that the Lord has brought me where I am now. I have the most wonderful husband, the most precious son, and I am in a whole different place than I was 10 years ago - praise the Lord! When I graduated almost 10 years ago, I had just begun my "rebellious stage" of life. I went to college and just completely turned away from the Lord and did things I am not proud of. PRAISE GOD for His forgiveness and His grace and love. And praise God for my husband, my son, my family, my friends who encourage me, my job, our house, and so many things. I am THANKFUL. My prayer is that through this time spent with them (old and new faces), I would be a light for Him.

Showering baby Stella (& Todd & Laine) with lots of L-O-V-E

Yesterday was the baby shower for baby Stella (and mommy & daddy-to-be, Todd & Laine). I am so excited for them. We had the baby shower at my mom's house and Aunt Virginia and Mary Elizabeth helped host it. It was wonderful. I am so grateful for dear friends like them who helped plan, coordinate, and throw the shower. Mary Elizabeth will be next!! :) Baby Levi is due March 13th, which is not too far away. Laine looked beautiful and Tucker LOVED loving on her belly. After the shower was over, Laine put him in her lap and he just SAT and SAT and SAT and SAT for at LEAST 20-25 minutes. We couldn't believe it. He just sat there and ate the first few minutes, then just watched what was going on and started loving on baby Stella in her belly. It was SO cute. We kept telling him to rub her belly - that there was a baby in there and he didn't know what to think. After rubbing his own belly several times, he finally understood that we were telling him to rub HER belly. He started rubbing it real gently. A few minutes later, he got confused & started rubbing all over her chest, thinking he was supposed to do that, too. We cracked up because Jonathan said "how are we gonna explain this at church tonight?" Haha. He didn't do that but one time but it was so funny. I can't wait to love on that sweet baby girl when she gets here but also to see how Tucker will do with her. This will be the first little baby he will be around so ... we said he's not gonna know what to think! This would be a good time to introduce "sharing". :) Here are a few pics from yesterday..

Busy October!

We have had a lot going on over the last week. Bible studies, church friend's babies being born, preparing for Laine & Todd's baby shower, getting ready for Halloween, working, etc. etc. But what a blessed October it has been. It's already the 29th! This past weekend was the busiest. We cooked out with friends Friday night, went shopping and baked/cooked (in prep for the baby shower) on Saturday during the day, then went to Bethlehem Baptist's fall festival Saturday night (which was a last minute thing), and then had my sister-in-law & brother's baby shower on Sunday (along with church activies in the AM & PM). Woooo...Jonathan and I finally got to catch up Sunday night and just debrief about the weekend. It is wonderful to be on the go, but nice to be still & catch your breath with the ones you love the most after all is said and done <3 I am just including a few pictures from the fall festival Saturday night. Tucker loved it. Of course the first two balloons that went flying to the ceiling in Bethlehem's gym were ours! but ... what can you do :) They'll pop or eventually get them down somehow. And I'm sure ours weren't the only ones. Tucker thought it was funny! Mommy didn't! :) We only stayed for about 30 minutes ... long enough to see a few familiar faces and for Tucker to play. Then it was bedtime! We were gonna have a busy day the next day (with Laine's baby shower). Here are a few pics from fall festival. I'm sure I will be posting more after Halloween (in 2 days).

Our little Elmo! He LOVES Elmo & Cookie Monster right now .. the Cookie Monster outfit wasn't available in his size soo Elmo it is!! :)

Grandmommy & Elmo :)

Getting his first balloon of the night from the clown!

Tucker & his distant cousins/preschool buddies, Chloe & Izzy. Chloe is in Tucker's class. He started pointing to her when he saw her!

Tucker & his buddies, Weston & Griffin! Love these boys!

I just have to say ... I always see others posting publically on facebook about their husbands or children or whoever. I don't ever want to seem like I'm bragging or boasting about them so I don't usually do it but since nobody really sees this I just have to shout to the rooftops I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND SON SOOOOOO SOOOOOO VERY MUCH!! My husband is the most loving, godly, trusting, warmest, funniest, hard-working, family-oriented husband and father. I could go on and on but ... I won't... instead, I'll tell HIM. And my son is just PRECIOUS. He makes us smile, laugh, snuggle up to, enjoy, love, EVERY single part of him. He is at such a fun age right now. He is 20 months (tomorrow, actually) and he just keeps us going. He is now starting to say more and more and it is so cute. He repeats what we do. Like tonight ... I went running (SHOCKER, I know), but it had been "one of those days with work" and I needed some alone time to pray and talk to God soo ... when I got back, I was stretching and reaching up to the sky and then bending down and touching my toes and he was copying me. He was even copying me doing jumping jacks too. It just cracked us up. He LOVED it. Jonathan and I are just so blessed to have each other and we are so thankful God blessed us with the perfect gift to us, our son. I love you both (and I won't just write it, but I'll make sure to tell you, too!)

Women of Faith - October 2012

OH MY GOODNESS what a weekend! I must say that I was a little hesitant about leaving Jonathan and Tucker again since I had just gone on a Bible Study retreat last weekend, but woww am I glad I went! What a spiritually uplifting weekend. My sister-in-law, Laine, asked my mom and I to go to this conference several months ago and my mom went ahead and got us tickets. Laine's church has been attending the past several years and I am very grateful that she asked us to go. Friday morning, we met a group of about 15-20 women/ladies at Cracker Barrel and then left for Charlotte. The funny thing was that my mom and I thought the whole time that the conference was in Greensboro but when we got to Burlington and made a few pit-stops shopping, somebody mentioned going to Concord Mills (which we knew was near Charlotte) so we asked and ... YEP! We were headed to Charlotte! haha ... We got there just in time to go get a quick meal (at Bojangle's) and head to the train station to get to the arena. When we got there, the seats were AWESOME. We were probably on the 15th row and that was super close for an arena. There was a combination of speakers such as Sandy Patty (who I remember from being little), Kristine Cain (who shared the gospel in one of the most powerful ways ever - through her unique story!), and Brenda Warner (NFL player, Kurt Warner's wife - who's story was a complete tear-jerker!) to painters and dancers, and singers like Amy Grant and Mandisa!!!! Every bit of it was AWESOME! I would LOVE to go next year and take a group from Central (or at least our women's Bible study group) but we will see! I was so thankful to ride with my mom and have that time with her. I worked most of the day on Friday in the car, but on the way back Saturday, we were able to talk and share and catch up and just cry with each other. After hearing Brenda Warner's story (and I encourage you to get her book "One Call Away" if you have never heard of her), I had to get home and see my sweet baby boy (and I wanted to see his daddy soo much too - but he was at the fire station!) You will completely understand why when you read the book. I am so very grateful for my loving husband, precious child, and all my family and friends. God, you give us exactly what we need when we need it. Thank YOU! <3

Being silly :) This was just supposed to be a picture of me & Jonathan ... Tucker jumped right in! LOVE these two <3

Me & J :) Love him so very much <3

Me & the little man :) he's a MESS! <3 him to pieces, too!

Visiting daddy at the fire station! He loves big "tucks"!

Just the 3 of us <3 At Lincoln's 1st birthday party!

HIS ladies beach retreat!

HIS ladies is the name of our Bible study group that meets every other Thursday night. We meet at Charity Cooke's house across the street from the church and it has truly been a blessing to me. I got an email 3 years ago from Charity with an invitation to start coming to this newly created Bible study, but I was new to the church and thought "oh, they are just being nice and inviting me ... I probably won't go." Well, two or three weeks later when I had not responded, I got a call from Iris Woodard asking me if I was coming to the Bible study. I said, "oh, me?! I thought the email I got was just generic." She said "no, we would love for you to come." Now, I have to say ... getting a personal invitation, knowing that somebody does care about you, meant SO much more to me than anybody could imagine. I am mostly an introvert (who can be an extrovert at times), but it takes me a little while to open up. Because of that email and phone call that was sent 3 years ago, my life has been blessed abundantly with Christian friendships, girls that I couldn't imagine going through life without. So this past weekend we took a little beach retreat to Atlantic Beach. We did this 2 years ago and decided it was time to do it again. Last time I went, Tucker was in my tummy! MY, a lot has happened in two years! Anyway, I offered my grandparent's trailer again so we decided to stay there since there were only 7 of us and we could all fit. When we first got there, there were 2 huge roaches on the kitchen floor!!!! One was dead and the other one crawled away too quickly and hid from us. It wasn't so bad until ... we saw the 3rd roach and then the 4th roach. The 4th roach was crawling up the wall and we said "OK - who's really down with going to Hampton Inn?!" SO ... off we went at 1:30 in the morning. We all slept in the same room AND we got continental breakfast instead of going out to breakfast so it all evened out. It was something to laugh about and remember our trip by! We had SO much fun. We talked and talked and laughed and laughed until 4:00 in the morning!! OH MY GOODNESS!! We were soo exhausted! When we woke up on Saturday, we got showers, ate continental breakfast, and went back to the trailer to work on our craft for our husband's and hang out. We prayed for our husband's (which is so important and something I need to do more of!) and talked and talked and laughed all day again. The crazy thing was we didn't see any roaches while we were there on Saturday. We decided to take a walk on the beach and do our bible study out there. It was the calmest and most beautiful I have seen Atlantic Beach in a long time. God's creation is BEAUTIFUL! I think the bible study was intended to be short, but the Holy Spirit was there. He had other plans. We all ended up in tears, opening up, growing together and just talking about how to encourage and strengthen one another in the Lord. GOD, You are soo soo good! We then went back to the trailer to clean up, pack our stuff, and head to eat at Sanitary before we made the trip back home to our husband's and babies. We got back about 10:00. Shannon, who was 37 weeks pregnant and scheduled for her c-section October 31st, texted us on Monday and had gone in for her routine check up and there were some complications so she had an emergency c-section that day. PRAISE GOD that she is ok and so is the baby. They are all healthy and happy. And thank YOU, Lord for your perfect timing. We joked about her going into labor while we were at the beach, but we didn't realize that she was THAT close to having him :) HE IS PRECIOUS!! Thank you, God, for wonderful friends and ladies in Christ who help encourage one another and are there for one another. We definitely missed all the ones that couldn't be there but they are just as special to us :)

High School Girls Outing :)

Our high school girls have been asking and asking about having a scavenger hunt for a long time. FINALLY, this past Friday night, October 5th, we did one. We went to Triangle Town Center, ate dinner, broke up into groups of 3 (plus one leader in each group) and had one hour to complete the tasks. These tasks included things such as: Videotaping your group frantically searching for a contact lense on the floor of the mall Videotaping your group pretending to ride a tractor and serenading some people with a song about tractors, farmers, etc. Videotaping your group doing the chicken dance with other people (which NOBODY would do by the way) Videotaping a couple describing how they met (thanks Don & Susan!) Taking a picture of your girls dressed up in clothes on a mannequin Collecting as many signatures as possible Finding out how many entrances there are to the mall ETC. ETC. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY --> we had to ask someone how we could pray for them. When my group was collecting signatures, this one lady was reading over our brochure and said "who's the prayer here?" We said "any of us". She starting telling us how her brother was on dialysis and was having heart problems. She then stated to pray for her as well as she was diabetic. We prayed with her right then and there. THIS is why we do these fun things ... there are SO many people who are desperately seeking for "something, someone, anyone" ... and not everybody knows that there is only ONE solution to their problems ... JESUS!! Thank you Lord for our encounter with this precious lady. It was SO much fun! We had lots of laughs and good times and look forward to doing it again. After that, we went to sweet frogs to get yogurt and then went back and all stayed at Amanda's house. We stayed up until 3AM ... I'll be honest, I'm not as young as I used to be. I have been sick for several days now!! haha ... but I love these girls to pieces and wouldn't trade my time with them for anything!

Calling .........

I know my last post was about the birth of Tucker-man, but it is impossible to go back and recap every single event and detail from his birth to now. I will probably periodically post something from within the past 20 months (like first Christmas, first vacation, etc. etc.) but for now, I'm gonna start posting what's going on NOW. Lots of things have happened within the past year and a half/two years. God has blessed us greatly and we thank HIM for that. Before Tucker was born, Jonathan and I really felt a strong call on his life to go into the ministry. We felt the Lord telling us to sell our house, move back to Wendell, start school (seminary for Jonathan) and to continue to serve Him in every area of our lives. Well ... we were anticipating Tucker arriving and what I heard God saying was not what "I" wanted to do. HOW SELFISH of me!! "I" didn't want to sell our house ... we had JUST finished the nursery, I was 8 months pregnant, we didn't have the money, yada yada yada.. LET ME TELL YOU, God always knows what's best, NOT ME!! At that time, we said "OK, God - we hear your call. We are ready - "send us, we'll go" ... but we stayed right here. We didn't actually make a MOVE in any of the areas he was telling us to. We SAID ok we'll do it, but we didn't actually "DO IT". Let me tell you, life is MISERABLE when you are living outside of God's will. Although we had the most precious gift given to us (WHO IS THE LIGHT OF OUR LIFE!! - HE WAS THEN AND STILL IS NOW!!), things were rough. I developed bad anxiety about 4 months after having Tucker where I couldn't stay by myself at all. As anybody who is reading this probably knows, Jonathan is a fireman so he is gone 24 hours at the time. What that meant for us was that my mom or his mom would have to stay with me & Tucker or we had to end up staying with them.. which was not convenient for ANYbody!! We also had one health issue after another (including appendectomy along with other random ER visits and hospital stays) which ran our medical bills up like crazy.. so I thought we "didn't have the money" for school ... well, we really didn't have money now.. (SIDENOTE - this is info leading up to what I'm about to tell you ... we are BEYOND BLESSED so I know our health issues and financial issues could be much much worse) - this was just a time that we felt like maybe we were paying some of the consequences for not being obedient to Him in the first place............. OK so let's move to NOW. Back at the beginning of the summer, God's call on Jonathan's life still remained. Just because we had not made a move up to this point, didn't mean the call had "gone away". When God calls you, HE calls you loud and clear! We said "OK GOD - we are sorry for not making a move up until this point ... what are YOUR plans for us? Because we can do NOTHING without you and we don't want to live outside of your perfect will any longer." So ... God said sell your dad's car (1964 impala), use that money to go back to school, even though it's almost the cut-off date to applications being in, I'll push it through, I'll provide extra finances for you through an internship at church, put your house on the market and I will take care of selling it for you. So, off we went, believing God CAN DO ANYTHING ... Jonathan's dad's car sold and it provided enough money to get him started in school, Jonathan's application was accepted and he was able to start on time this fall (through internet classes to go along with His fire schedule - PTL), God provided the internship for him to also start in the fall, and our house is still on the market but we KNOW that God is faithful and He will provide the right person for this house. Another blessing - through prayer and believing that God can take it away, my anxiety is little to none - PRAISE THE LORD. I never understood what it meant to have depression or anxiety until this past year and a half, but I will pray so hard for anybody who has it. I now get it. I am so thankful He has allowed me to be ok staying by myself (with Tucker). Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but they are nothing like what I had several months ago. Our GOD ALMIGHTY is so much bigger than Satan and any doubts, anxieties, or worries he puts in our heads. Thank you, Jesus! I have never seen my husband so passionate about something in his life. He loves the Lord, loves his classes, loves reading God's word and digging deeper into it. We are also soo crazy about our youth group. God has blessed us with awesome friends (other youth leaders) and also these awesome kids who are growing and maturing in God's word. God is faithful. He uses our peaks to strengthen and encourage us, but has also used those deep valleys to grow us into who He is calling us to be. Lesson learned: GOD KNOWS BEST!!

February 24th 2011 - Tucker's Arrival

Ok, so if you are reading my blog for the first time, you will see how far behind I am. I promise I'm not going to go back and recap everything that has happened the past 20 months ... but I thought this one was pretty important :) I want to have it blogged just for me to be able to come back and look at years down the road. I went to the DR for my normal 38 week checkup on Wednesday, February 23rd. I actually overslept (after being up and down during the night) and was running late so I didn't even take a shower - well, I washed off, but didn't wash my hair. By 38 weeks, correct me if I'm wrong, but most mommy-to-be's don't care if they've washed their hair or put makeup on or if they've done the whole usual morning routine. I was doing good to be making it to the DR on time. Besides, I thought I was coming straight home and going back to bed. Since I was running so late, I grabbed the box of cheerios and crammed some in my mouth on the way to the DR. My bags were packed (at the house) but I didn't think there was any need in taking them ... not yet?! Jonathan met me at the DR's office since it was right down the road from his fire station. So I begin the usual process of my DR appt ... peeing in a cup, weighing myself, having my blood pressure taken, all the normal things. Every other morning it was usually a quick process ... but not this morning. When the nurse first took my blood pressure she said, "hmmm ... that's strange" and I thought "WHAT IS STRANGE?!" She then proceeded to tell me that my blood pressure was 138 over 100. I thought ... ok, is that super high or what? I knew my normal range was like 100/80 or something like that ... it had been pretty low the whole pregnancy. She then led me to the room that Jonathan was already in to lay down on the table and see if it would go down. So ... I layed there about 3 or 4 minutes before Dr. Richardson came in. **Now, I'll be honest ... I can tell you why my blood pressure was high. I was working and working and working every day until late trying to finish up different tasks that HAD to be done before I went out on maternity leave the next 6 weeks.. I had worked all day the day before and was still at my desk at 8:00 that night and I was TIRED and ... not to mention RUSHING to my appt that morning** SO ... DR. Richardson comes in and retakes my blood pressure. It was even higher - 150/110 (or 119) -- I can't remember the EXACT, but it wasn't good. She talked to me and Jonathan and said she was going to go ahead and send us over to Labor and Delivery at Rex to monitor me and see if we could get my blood pressure to go down.. she said "if it doesn't come down, you could be having a baby today".... WHAT?!?!?!?!?! TODAY?!?! RIGHT NOW?!! Both of us looked at each other like "so this could happen TODAY?!" :) :) She called over to labor and delivery and off we went! When we got in the car and started driving, we didn't know what to think. We were both sure that my blood pressure would go down and we would be going back home (and back to work). We both called our moms and my dad to let them know what was going on but told them all not to say anything yet and not to move a muscle from their workplaces because we really didn't think it would happen today. When we got to Rex, we drove around looking for the entrance for several minutes - yea, we were bad and didn't go to the classes - so we did NOT know where to go at first, but finally found it. When we got there, Dr. Tosky was the Dr. on call. They hooked me up to all kinds of monitors and I just laid there and laid there. The bad part was that I couldn't have anything to eat..and I had skipped breakfast.. and I was STARVING already (and it was only 10:00 in the morning). By 11:30, Dr. Tosky came in and said he had been watching the monitor and it didn't look like my blood pressure was going down any. He said "we can do one of two things - we can send you home in which you'll probably be back up here tomorrow or Friday and we could risk your blood pressure being even higher and more of a risk of other things ... OR ... we could induce you today and go ahead and take care of you and that baby" ......... Jonathan said, "well, if this was you, what would you do, Dr. Tosky?" Dr. Tosky responded with "I would definitely stay here and go ahead and have the baby" ... (which is what we were both thinking anyway after he gave us those two options!) SO it was official!! We were getting ready to have a baby within the next 24 hours!! We immediately got on the phone and called my dad to go get my bag from the house with all our stuff in it.. which he graciously went and got for us! Jonathan's mom had already arrived and my mom arrived shortly after. THEY ARE NOT VERY GOOD LISTENERS!! They didn't stay put!! :) We got situated in the delivery room and hooked up to all the monitors and were ready to have our sweet TUCKER!! I was induced around 2:00 and honestly wasn't feeling TOO much pain at first (I can say that NOW but ... this is 20 months later). I remember by 5:00 or so, I was in massive pain from the contractions. I KNEW I wanted an epidural before I even went in there. More power to all the women who can give birth without an epidural! I am NOT one of those women! Since I was only a few centimeters dilated by 5:00 or so, it wasn't yet time for the epidural. They gave me a medicine for in the meantime but I can't remember what it is called. It makes you feel kinda blurry.. I remember I felt that way watching American Idol so it had to be around 8:00 or so. I finally got the epidural around 9:30 or 10:00. Once I got the epidural, my pain was very little. The pressure was what was the worst. I remember Jonathan finally fell asleep around 12:30 and I starting calling his name to tell him how much pressure there was and I had to call his name several times before he finally woke up and answered me :) He called the nurse who was AMAZING. She stayed by our side the WHOLE entire time except for about 30 minutes or so around 12:00-1:00 so we could get some rest. After Jonathan called the nurse to come in there, she checked to see how much I had dilated and she realized I was at 9 1/2 centimeters ... it was time to PUSH! No wonder I was feeling pressure! I remember the FUNNIEST thing was while the nurse was getting everything set up for me to start pushing, Jonathan said "on a scale of 1-10, how bad do you think this has been ... I mean because I honestly don't think it has been so bad" ... UMMM, REALLY?!! Of course not! haha you aren't the one in pain!! :) But really, at that point, it wasn't TOO TOO bad ... but we didn't know what was coming next!!!! If only we knew ........... the answer to that question might have been different :) So Jonathan texted our moms and my dad to let them know we were starting to push around 2:30 so ... we were thinking ya know ... 20 to 30 minutes?? Well ... 2 hours and 20 minutes later our precious baby boy was born!! I won't go into all the details but it was something I will never forget. During the process, I thought "how in the WORLD can anybody have more than one child after all this pain?!" ****BUT when I held that precious baby boy in my arms for the first time, I now know how you forget every bit of pain that comes along with childbirth!! Everything that had just happened was forgotten IMMEDIATELY!! I cannot even explain the joy and excitement of holding him and seeing him for the first time. Jonathan and I both were filled with SOO much love. Needless to say, he is the most precious gift from God we could have ever imagined. God has brought our family closer and closer these last 20 months and I pray everyday for a hedge of protection over us. Jonathan and I couldn't imagine our lives without our sweet boy. He is the cutest, sweetest, most loving, lovable, hilarious, full of personality boy I could have ever imagined.. SOO much like his daddy it's crazy! I am one blessed wife/mother!!

SO MUCH HAS CHANGED BUT SO MUCH REMAINS THE SAME

Wow ... where do I even begin?! Since I last blogged, so much has changed. MOST IMPORTANTLY, we have the the most PRECIOUS gift from God ... Tucker Gerald Williams :) He is now almost 20 months old soo forgive me for not posting in FOREVER!! What a wonderful blessing he is to our family. I wanted to post about the experience and the delivery right after he was born but just never got around to it. I can't imagine how it is to have 2, 3, 4, etc. kids because my time is occupied by just one! And he is worth every single second of it! Jonathan and I are soo very blessed and thankful that God has allowed us to be Tucker's parents. It has been a life-changing experience, that's for sure, but one I wouldn't change for the world. He has brought so much life to our family. God has been SO good to us this past year and a half. We have had our high peaks and even some low valleys along the way but those have helped to strengthen our faith as well as grow us into the people God is calling us to be. I'm just going to post a few pictures and maybe, HOPEFULLY, will start seriously blogging again. I am starting to get a little "over" facebook at times so I wanted to be able to do something where I could share, but only with the closest of family/friends. .